Beyond the Physical Pain

The all familiar migraine that rolls around my head.  From my temples to the back of my neck then up into my forehead.  I close my eyes and rest my body hoping to find relief.  I pray to God but this time I'm abandoned like a thief.  

Those last words aren't true, I know that for sure.  Knocking on Heaven's door doesn't guarantee what I want - even a cure.  Heaven's gate is where my Savior lives with God, His Father, Divine.  It would be much better if I changed my attitude and accepted His will for mine.

Yes, the pain and the numbing in my head, they hurt and are bothersome something fierce.  The pain in my back reminds me standing up straight is a gift every time there's a pierce.  And when I see my Savior on the cross and think of the pain He endured???

I see a crown of thorns and nails like railroad spikes.  Could I have endured HIS pain?

So when I get on the soapbox in my head about how hard a physical life I've had.  All I have to do is look at the cross where Jesus hung.  His body was beaten bloody from a scourging he received.  His head had a crown of thorns pressed into it until it dripped blood.  He was forced to carry his own cross no matter how many times he fell under the weight of it.  He was whipped until he got up and was spat upon by onlookers who lined the road to Calvary.  At one point a man was told to help Jesus carry his cross.  We are not told much about this man but somewhere from point A to point B this man believed Jesus to be the Messiah.  Reaching Calvary with two other thieves, Jesus was made to lay down on the cross.  When each nail was pounded into his flesh he cried out in pain.  When his body was finished being nailed to the cross, it was pulled upright and landed with a thud into the hole in the ground and Jesus cried out in pain, again.

And then Jesus did something that I don't do often enough.

He looked beyond his pain, beyond his circumstances, beyond anything else that could have been a distraction.  Jesus had a mother.  Mary.  He knew Mary would need a son to look after her.  Someone he trusted to take his place.  Who better than the disciple he loved?  (John)

I'm ashamed to admit this.  When I'm in pain most of the time all I'm thinking about is me.  How do I get rid of the pain, how do I medicate the pain, what can I do to alleviate the pain and is there anything I can do to prevent the pain from recurring?

Those are great questions and are appropriate most of the time.  But then I have to ask myself this:  

Am I using the pain to get attention?

Am I using the pain as an excuse to get out of doing something?

Am I NOT telling anyone about the pain so that I don't get the medical care I need?

And then.....

Who can I reach out to that needs a little Jesus love?

Something to think about.

Bill Cosby, PhD

I grew up in a house where Saturday morning cartoons were the highlight of our week.  It kicked off our weekend.  Our parents were still sleeping so I climbed onto the counter to get the cereal boxes and bowls, dug around for spoons and I carefully poured the milk since I was the oldest.  We'd sit in front of the little TV in our pajamas, hair not brushed and then we'd be transported into cartoon land.

Our living room had a built in bookcase which now, looking back on it, was a very nice one.  My dad's phonograph was mounted into it as were his speakers.  He and my mom's records were neatly stacked on the bottom right shelf.  I remember them pulling out records and playing them whenever they were working around the house or we had company.  I can still remember some of the artists they listened to.

One evening, my dad asked the three of us into the living room because he had something he wanted us to listen to.  I couldn't have been more than ten years old.  He really played it up because we were amped up with excitement.  He'd put a record onto his phonograph and was getting ready to play it.  I had no idea it was going to take my imagination on a journey of being scared and then laughing so hard.

It was a record where Bill Cosby tells the story about the Chicken Heart.  The Chicken Heart that ate up New York City.  My dad dimmed the lights and we were kneeling against the back of the couch so that we were facing the speakers.  My mom was there, too, and I seem to recall she was a little hesitant about us hearing this story.

I listened intently and yes, I got scared up to the point of the mashed potatoes and then I started laughing.  I think my sisters had the same reaction.  We ate mashed potatoes a lot so picturing that as a way to deter monsters made complete sense to us.

As I've grown up, that memory brings warmth to my spirit.  It's one of the few I have with my Dad being less drunk.  There was no violence afterward.  We were a "normal" family.

I've had copies of that album on cassette.  It's called "Bill Cosby - Wonderfulness."  It's my favorite out of all the other ones.  Here's the Chicken Heart monologue:

Transition,

I know these days he's being accused of rape and other sexual allegations. As a survivor of sexual abuse I know how hard it is to give voice to what's happened to you.  Still, there are a few things that are really bothering me:

1. Why has it taken so long for people to come forward?
2. Why is everyone coming forward all at once?
3. The Prosecutor isn't filing any charges so now what?
4. Why are people protesting his shows?
5. If he did commit these acts and is in denial, I know when he stands before God, it will be brought into the light because God brings all sin out of the darkness into the light.  God alone will judge him.

It's my hope that everyone who is personally affected by any of these allegations receive the professional help they need so that they can have some sort of closure from all of this.  It's a big mess and one that needs to be cleaned up quickly and thoroughly.  

My heart goes out to all of you.

Somewhere In America

A friend posted this video on Facebook.  I was so enthralled that I watched this about five times in a row.  I was captured by the confrontational honesty of how they spoke what I have not found the words to give a voice to.  The rhythm and passion with which they speak is moving and convicting for it's not just poetry of someone else's beliefs.  It's their gut level frustrations and they communicate it effectively, without compromising their integrity.

I applaud their courage, their hard work and I pray God continues to put them in front of audiences who can help them make a difference in the lives of those whose stories are the ones they are telling.

                       Belissa Escoloedo, Zariya Allen, Rhiannon, McGavin

Perhaps You've Seen Them

Perhaps you've seen them and not given it a second thought.  After all, they are unkempt, dirty and digging in the trash can.  Some of them hold out a cup shaking it so you can hear the noise of coins clanging together.  Others sit huddled in a corner with everything they hold dear in a black garbage bag making no eye contact with anyone.

In case you haven't guessed it I'm talking about our homeless citizens.  I live in a suburb of Chicago that does not have much of a homeless population.  We have a very giving community that stocks our food pantry throughout the year and our township stays on top of all the programs that people who are under resourced can apply to.

Funny.  Even the words, "Under resourced" are used instead of the word "poor."

Across much of northern America the blustery arctic air that we've been happily not experiencing arrived with a one two punch Sunday night.

Here's what I wrote as my Facebook status today:

"Living in the Chicagoland Suburbs, my heart is always troubled for the homeless who cannot get into shelters or get meals. Those of us in our comforts have no clue what our brothers and sisters, saved or unsaved, do in order to survive each day. With our below zero wind chills last night, I found myself asking God to somehow keep those who were exposed to the elements warm. It's such a powerless feeling knowing there's little I can do to help. But when I think of how God tended to Elijah's needs through his angels, Jesus' needs through his angels and the Israelites' needs through manna and quail, I know he will supply their needs. And maybe, just maybe, one by one, they will hear the gospel message and receive Jesus as their Savior!! That kind of warmth in their spirit will always be with them."

In my younger days, I would walk downtown Chicago with books of $5 McDonald Gift Certificates.  That's when five dollars could buy you a lot. I would wait and discern who to give them to.  To this day I remember a woman I named Mary.  Mary was sitting on the cold cement with her body bent over in the corner of a train depot.  She was wearing a black coat, black hat and she had one knee pulled up to her chest.  Her bag of belongings was next to her left arm.  I tried to get her attention but she never moved.  Instead of trying again, I placed the gift certificates as close as I could to her so that she could reach them and nobody else could steal them.  I've prayed for her each time she comes to mind - that God would draw her close to Him and she would find Jesus and have a life that is safe and whole.

Another encounter involved being with a friend of mine.  The only thing I can remember is being in Chicago at an apartment building.  There was a man sitting outside the building with a cup asking for money.  I had an amount in my pocket that I thought was too much to put in the cup so I walked past him to my car.  That's when God did the tap tap on my shoulder.  He reminded me whose money it was.  I walked back to the man, put the money in the cup and said it was from his Heavenly Father.  As I turned and walked away, I could hear the guy get excited.  Truth be told, I, too, had a big smile on my face.

God wants us to care for the poor and tells us the poor will always be among us.  There are so many ways you can help.  Get connected to your church's outreach programs or find out how to serve in your local community.

There's nothing like giving a helping hand to someone who cannot give it back.  It's humbling.  It's honoring.  It's Jesus with hands and feet.

Goals for 2015

When I was in my 30's, I made New Year's Eve a very special evening between God and I.  Around 10:00 p.m. when the television was showing different parts of the world celebrating New Year's, I would feel a sense of newness - fresh beginnings - begin to well up inside of me.  It was exciting to know I was being given a new slate with which to start over and refocus areas of my life.

As a Christian, Jesus gave me a new life the moment I asked Him to forgive all my sins and be my Savior.  He gave me that clean slate.  No matter how many times I've dirtied it up He still wipes it clean and I'm very grateful.

So on these nights, New Year's Eve, I've taken it upon myself to refocus my lens so that I can stay on track for where I believe the Lord is directing my footsteps.  Sometimes I've recapped the previous year and written down all I could remember.  Other times I made a list of goals for the spiritual, emotional, financial, physical and mental areas.  Then there were times I felt as if I'd written a book.

But this year?  This year I kept it simple.

This year I wrote it just a few minutes ago.  This year it only took about twenty minutes.  This year I already knew what I wanted to work on for 2015.

I kept it very simple.  Something I've had to learn how to do this past year.  Nothing complicated and yet some of them will still stretch me.  I feel I am in sync with what God feels is reasonable.  I'm not trying to reach lofty goals nor am I setting goals so low they do not offer a challenge.

I've chosen to share them with you so that you can see how simple they can be and still serve a purpose.  Perhaps you'll be encouraged to write a few goals for yourself.  If so, feel free to borrow some of mine:

Goals for 2015

1. To lead a life that is pleasing to God.  To work on my issues with the help of the professionals He has brought to help me.  To stay in contact with my family, to talk to my friends as I am able and to practice solid self-care in all the above. 
2.  To attend church either in person or via willowcreek.tv.
3.  To complete the Today in the Word by Moody Bible Institute.
4.   To let go of doing everything perfectly so that I can reduce frustration and lead a life that is less stressful.  Only Jesus lead a perfect life.  He never asked us to do so.  He taught us to lean on the Father for everything so that we would learn how to have a healthy dependence on Him.
5.  Learn from reading, video or other resources the trappings of obesity and how to eradicate it in my life.  This education will confront the childhood beliefs that are no longer true and change them into the adult life I now live.  My inner child must not be in control any longer.  She needs to take her queues from me – not I from her.  Slow and steady wins the race.
6.  To disciple Ryan, Hope, Samantha and Alicia.
7. To follow my budget and stay on track especially since it’s so tight until April. Join the Fitness Center when my budget allows if that's the right thing to do.
8. To continue writing my blog even when I feel distracted and out of sorts.  Writing is a good source of being able to sort out my thoughts and feelings.  Even when it’s hard it always benefits me in some way.
9. Be a source of encouragement to those I love.
10.  Be available for unexpected “God callings.”
11.  Pray for those I Iove and especially for those whose tragedy is brought to my attention.
12.  Be in step with who God wants me to be, what God wants me to do, why God wants me to go, where God wants me to be, when God wants me to arrive or leave and how God wants me to serve Him.  After all, I am His servant – He is not mine.