This brings up the "suicide" topic again. At least, it does for me. Here are my thoughts which are gleaned from personal experience. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Having a mental illness, no matter the number of them or degree of severity, is a constant battle. People without mental illness can't understand what we experience. The mind and the body are often in tune with one another. For example, when I'm having racing thoughts, my heartbeat quickens; when I'm feeling depressed, my body feels heavy and tired; and when I'm focusing on self-injury, my body freezes Most of the time, these happen all at once.
When I'm thinking about suicide, I can't stop crying. When my mind is conjuring up hopeless beliefs and a plan, my body behaves as if I'm in the process of dying. When I gather my tools together, my mind says, "Good job." When I hear those last two words, I know I need professional help.
I begin with an affirmation. "I'm one of God's examples of a life that has been able to get through suicidal ideation in the past so I have the strength to do it again." (Click Here To See When You Should Call For Help) The first thing I do is pray. I ask God, my Creator and my Heavenly Father, to help me. Second, I ask Jesus to heal the brokenness that is causing me to want to die. Third, I listen for any message the Holy Spirit wants me to hear. Every time, my prayers have been answered. EVERY time.
I've been hospitalized six times for inpatient and five times for out patient since October 2006. Miraculously, I have not self-injured the last two times I made the decision to go inpatient. I tell my psychiatrist, my therapist, my neighbor who takes care of my cats and one of my sisters that I'm going to the hospital. I pack a bag and drive to the emergency room or go directly to admissions. Once I'm meeting with an intake person, I tell the WHOLE truth: Yes, I am suicidal; Yes, I have a plan; Yes, I will self-injure if I'm not admitted; No, I cannot keep myself safe. Once I'm on the unit, I know I won't hurt myself and if I want to, all I have to do is tell someone. I know God is going to help me, through the people I meet, including the staff. I feel safe and comforted.
I know why this man committed suicide. I was told. His medications weren't working, his addictions were complex, he suffered from childhood sexual abuse and much more. The effects of mental illness got to be too much for him. And like (in my opinion) those who lose all hope, he chose to end his life. It saddens me that the statistics are true.
So, what could God have really said? Maybe, He didn't use any words at all. Maybe, He stretched out His arms and enveloped him in all His warmth, love and comfort. And maybe this man felt at peace for the very first time.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 Click here for their website
Remember..You're NOT alone.
