About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Suicide

Suicide Warning Signs

The following signs may mean someone is at risk for suicide. The risk of suicide is greater if a behavior is new or has increased and if it seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these signs, seek help as soon as possible by calling the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves.
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online or buying a gun
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping too little or too much.
  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Displaying extreme mood swings.
These suggestions are taken from:  www.SuicidePreventionLifeline.Org

Many times, like now, I go through this list to determine whether or not I am feeling suicidal or if I'm just sad, grieving or some other emotion.  It's very helpful to know that all of my feelings are not necessarily suicidal.  It's also helpful to know when I am feeling suicidal to put my coping plan in place which includes a phone call to my psychiatrist and my therapist.

I've learned there's nothing to be afraid of if I am feeling suicidal.  It means I'm feeling some emotions intensely and I need to get those rpm's down.  There's no need to overreact by hurting myself and hurting those who love me.  I have access to some of the best medical and professional help to get me back on the right track.

And what about the greatest Helper of them all?  What about God?  He's already told me it's not time for me to come home yet.  I have more work of His to do.  If I truly love Him and want to live a life that pleases Him, I will keep my focus on His plan for my life instead of my selfish plan to end my life.

When days get hard, and believe me, my days are very hard right now, even the thought of suicide entering my mind saddens me.  Something inside of me wants to die.  But here's the good news.  That part of me is minuscule compared to the giant inside of me that fights to live.  

I'm fighting to live, everyday, during this time in my life.
Praise God!