Biggest Ways To Help Yourself

The summer of 2006 began a run in my life that I often refer to as, "The Great Emotional Blow Up."  I name it that because the previous twenty years I knew if I ever got down to the bottom of what was causing me so much pain I would be hospitalized and could quite possibly never mentally recover.

In October of that year I entered an Outpatient Program at Meier Clinics in Wheaton, IL.  I learned a lot for it's an intensive program.  I was there for three weeks.  I had three counseling sessions each week.  I was challenged to change some of my thinking, to redirect some of my feelings and to learn how to talk about the abuse I hid deep inside of me.  It was a start but nowhere near enough.

Once that cork popped that summer, it took many hospitalizations for the next six years to get me standing on solid ground.  I had two suicide attempts, I self injured several times at home, I had five more hospitalizations with one self-injury and one food related and the last one was suicidal ideation.

Here are the biggest ways I have helped myself:

1. I have been in Christian therapy for a long time.  When I went to Meier Clinics, I was coming out of a therapy situation that was no longer helping me.  God sent Carol Davis-Serpas at Meier Clinics and though it was pretty bumpy at times, I stayed with her because I felt safe and I wanted to heal.  
2. I am getting better at accepting the changes God makes.  When I went on disability and could no longer see Carol, I wept.  I've been blessed to have therapists I can connect to.  Not at the same level but at the right level for what I'm working on.  The therapist I have now, Faith, has a very different style.  It took some getting used to and some patience on my end.  Now I see the value God is bringing to me through her.  If I had quit, imagine what I would have missed out on.
3. I know when to change psychiatrists.  I had a good psychiatrist when I was hospitalized locally.  He had a good sense of humor and always made sure I would be safe when the medications were being changed.  When I went on Medicare, I had to change docs.  I began seeing a woman who had a warm heart and was also very intelligent.  But after a year or so, she became so busy that she couldn't manage the daily or weekly changes I needed her to.  At that time I was hospitalized and under the care of a man who always had a smile.  I spoke with him and asked if he would consider being my Psychiatrist.  He said he would be glad to - he liked how I was compliant and told him what's going on.  I talked to her about him and all was good.  I sent her a thank you card, too.

Those are just a few ways but they are the most significant.  If I don't take charge of my own recovery, nothing's going to happen.  If I need to be hospitalized, I call my psychiatrist to let him know and I drive myself there before I self injure.  I call my therapist to let her know so she can erase me from her appointment book and pray for me.  That's the responsible thing to do.

I have a plan.

I have a plan because mental illness, no matter what form, needs a plan.

And I am capable of putting a plan together.