Being a food addict is pretty easy to spot on a person. Typically we are fat. Digging into the "why" we chose food is very easy - it has the least social consequences. I might get stared at but I won't get arrested.
If I dig a little deeper into my ice cream fetish, I find these five truths:
- As a child I remember eating special treats and enjoying them.
- Our mom gave us money for the ice cream truck most of the time.
- Our birthdays always had cake and ice cream.
- When I was in junior high, my mom took me to Dairy Queen regularly for a strawberry sundae.
- We were allowed to pick out frozen treats at the bar in our village.
As I grew up, ice cream became a staple in my food choices. It tasted good and brought back good memories from a childhood I'd just as soon forget. It attached itself to my feelings of scared and sad turning them into love and comfort.
During my late twenties, I lost a lot of weight. Ice cream was not on the menu because it had sugar. Sugar free ice cream was not as good tasting as it is today. I missed it like I missed a good friend.
When I went off the food plan, one of the first food items I added was - you guessed it - ice cream. You see, I'm not a big chocolate eater. I never have been. Maybe during hormone times of the month but no more than a couple of days.
Vanilla and Butter Pecan are my favorite flavors. Sometimes I eat Birthday Cake and sometimes I eat Moose Tracks. But here's the thing: Can I eat ice cream and stay in control of my consumption? Or will I allow my inner ice cream child take control and over stuff me?
That's the question I have to answer and it's one I already know the answer to. My adult Amy needs to do two things:
- Decide who is going to be boss
- Obey who is the boss
To put it simply, I am the boss. I need to tell my inner child that yes, ice cream is yummy and fun to eat but too much of it will make us fat or sick to our tummy. I will decide when and how much we can have and I want her to obey what I am saying because I am the adult. If there is a special occasion we can discuss the amount but what I say is going to be the final rule.
Parenting my inner child is a very healthy step in recovery. She had no one looking after her, no boundaries or limits and no one to keep her safe. That's my job now.
And I'm ready to take on the challenge because I love her.
