It's supposed to be a day of rest except it's anything but.
I'm so tired I can barely walk from the living room to the kitchen.
I want to sleep uninterrupted but I know that won't come for awhile.
This is when I want to go to a bar, order a few drinks, chase them down and then be at ease.
Really at ease.
My body will be relaxed.
I can sit at the bar and watch sports for as long as I want.
I can feel nothing for several hours.
Just the warmth of that drink and the subtle quietness that takes place in my head.
To be asleep.
Ah, that would feel good.
I'm not sure about this dinner tonight.
I'm nervous and don't want to go.
But it's one of those where I should go.
I promised someone a ride.
I need someone there to understand the ptsd/anxiety.
I'll load up on my xanex.
I have to get cash for dinner.
I'm glad I have it, God.
Thank you.
I think I'll get something to drink (sugar free grape kool-aid).
Lay down.
Not eat.
And rest.
God, I need someone there who understands social anxiety, mental illness and stuff like that.
Please.
