I'm very fortunate to have family and friends who are compassionate, thoughtful, funny, loving and everything in between. God flooded my parched soul with these friends through phone conversations, text messages,emails, flowers, chili (with a lime), lunch and pictures of nature at it's finest. God knows how discouraged I've become and how utterly worthless I've been feeling.
However, I remain hopeful. Like Job (Jobe) in the Old Testament, even though there is calamity in me and around me, my faith does not waiver. I may ask God, "Why?" but I really don't mean it. I've been walking with Him long enough to know that whatever passes through His hands causes me to dig in my heels and depend on His comfort, provision and strength. I know this because I've felt this way many times before.
Perhaps I have a simple faith. Perhaps my faith is blinded by all the ugliness that is going on in me and around me. Perhaps my faith is one that is too trusting, too fairytale-ish, too fool hardy.
I don't believe any of those statements. I've had to work through a broken heart more times than I can document. I've had to trust in God when I could not trust myself or anyone else. I face the ugliness of my past, my current sin and my weaknesses on a daily basis and that takes courage and determination, knowing God's mercy covers me like a blanket. I am not a fool who placed her entire being into someone she cannot see. I am a tree in the mud that still stands strong even though strife and hurt surround me. I am not easily shaken. In fact, I'm a bulldozer when it comes to recovery.
Having chronic pain does mean I live a chronic pain life. Having abuse in my history does not mean I live in the abuse. Having alcoholism and overeating as unhealthy coping methods does not mean I am hopeless. And having mental illness does not mean I am crazy.
All of these things remind me that with every passing day, Jesus is one day closer to coming down from Heaven to take me home. On some days do I wish it was sooner rather than later? You bet. There are days when I want to take my own life because the physical or emotional pain I'm feeling is so intense. That happened just a couple days ago.
But I choose to stay on this earth. Yes, I choose to stay. God never promised an easy life but He promised to always be with me. I can rest in that truth because He reminds me quite often that it's not time for me to come home yet. My life is not my own. It is His. I'm here to manage it.
Besides, He reminds me that there's still work for me to do for Him. Out of obedience to the One who loves me and to the One I love, I stay. No matter what, I stay
Jesus Culture - Rooftops
