They came out of feeling scared and maybe even anger.
I could feel the surge of emotions well up inside of me.
I started to drive away from home when I heard it.
The voice.
The Holy Spirit said, "Amy, all you have to do is turn around."
"Turn around and watch a three hour movie."
"You don't have to talk to anyone."
"You don't have to do anything."
"You can curl up on the couch under your blanket."
"You'll be safe."
I decided to drive a little ways to a safe destination.
I drove around slowly, taking in what I saw.
I was surprised by some of it.
The rest of it was clearly familiar.
Then I drove home.
I completed an outdoor task that brought up feelings of anger.
Someone else deciding what was right.
Someone else not doing what I asked.
I decided I would do it myself.
I have the right to take away someone else's service.
When I finished outside, I sat inside and watched a movie.
I didn't call my therapist or a friend or a family member.
My disorders are my own and I can get through them on my own.
Besides, they don't always know what to do.
That's okay because I know what to do.
As I was watching the movie I started hearing voices,
The radio ones where I can't make out what's being said.
Since this has happened half a dozen times, I should call my psychiatrist.
But since it's happened half a dozen times and I haven't flipped out, well,
I'll call next week when I have enough gas.
Besides, I know what and how much I can handle of my mood disorders, schizophrenia, bipolar depression and other mental illnesses I have .
I'm the one with 100% access and knowledge inside of me.
I get to decide who gets how much and when.
No one else will ever have complete access.
Why?
Because I'm still discovering things about my past, I'm still in therapy to talk about whatever needs talking about and I don't trust people easily.
This is a great short video on Bipolar. They have some awesome videos. I watched many of them.
