One year ago today I admitted myself into the Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health Hospital for unrelenting urges to commit suicide and cut. I'd reached the end of my rope. A friend had been to this hospital and recommended it. I trusted she knew what I needed since my regular hospital closed the behavioral health unit.
I cried. I cried through all four interviews.
I was honest. I told each of them that if I went home I would hurt myself.
I waited. It took a few hours to get up to the unit.
I was confused. They put me on the general psych unit instead of SIRS/ED.
I was assigned a psychiatrist. His name is Dr. Taras Didenko.
I slept. All I had to do was trust God that I made the right decision.
That first day was pivotal in my recovery.
I hadn't cut before I went into the hospital. That was a miracle.
I did not attempt suicide before I went into the hospital. That was a miracle.
In my head I was screaming for help. That was a miracle.
I drove myself to get the help I needed. That was a miracle.
One year ago today I was bursting into tears for no reason, despondent over the racing thoughts and urges to self injure and incapable of taking care of myself at home.
I prayed to God for the right program, the right doctor and the right therapist. In a couple of days, God answered that prayer.
I'll share that journey tomorrow.
"Instead of feeling something, I felt nothing."
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