Yeah, I think we've all felt that way from time to time.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit some of my resolutions are repeat offenders. Yup, they've been known to show up on my list more than once and sometimes two or more years in a row.
What does that say about me? What does that say about the resolution?
It says:
- I know I have a problem area in my life
- I want it dealt with right now
- I need new methods of getting rid of it because what I've used so far hasn't worked
How is that problem area helping me? What does that say about the resolution?
It says:
- It's giving me some sort of comfort for pain or sadness or hurt
- Even though the remedy is temporary it's causing permanent damage
- I'm going to need therapeutic and psychiatric help to put these monsters to rest
Sometimes the first step in resolving a bothersome area is to be honest about how it's benefiting you. If it didn't benefit you, you wouldn't do it.
When I was drinking, it numbed my feelings and put me to sleep. When I stopped drinking, I had to learn how to feel my emotions and stay present. It's been very hard and I still struggle. I've compensated with food and self-injury.
Now it's time to get to the root of all this unhappiness.
Some people would say I should stop looking at the past and get moving forward. I don't listen to anyone who hasn't walked in my shoes. And as far as I know, there's been one occupant.
My responsibility is to God and to the calling He's placed on my life. It's to do what He puts in front of me to do. As long as I am walking in His will, no one else matters.
