About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Monday, February 17, 2014

Getting Right With God


Sometimes I'm distracted when things don't go according to planned.  I try not to fixate on when or how stuff will get done but realistically, planning does need to happen.  In fact, in some instances, if planning were not carried out it would be detrimental to my quality of life.

Things I plan for include appointments related to my health and my body, my vehicle, my home and my pets.  I can plan loosely for times with my family, friends, recreation and shopping.  Then I leave room for spontaneity.


But what about my time with God?
Does that need to be scheduled?
Planned?
Spontaneous?

I've been a follower of Jesus Christ for 26 years.  I've tried all sorts of disciplines, all sorts of ways, all sorts of methods.  You know what I've found?

I feel closest to God when I'm in a planned routine.

For the last couple of years I've been struggling, trying to get back into that routine.  I'm slowly making progress but I have to be honest.  The effort takes a lot of energy and there are days I don't have much.

I've had the privilege and blessing of sitting under the same pastor for over two decades.  My pastor drills into our heads that a committed Christian spends at least 15 minutes a day reading God's word.  In my head I say, "Wow.  That's not much at all."

Other days when I sit down to read my head says, "Nope.  Can't focus for that long."

Instead of dwelling on what I don't have, I'm learning to let that go and let it be okay.  My perfectionism and high achiever traits don't serve me well on these days.  I literally have to give myself permission to just breathe through it and remind myself that the only person judging me, is me.  God is doing no such thing.

I have a couple of solutions that could work very well.  One is to use an Internet based Bible program that reads the Bible to you.  The other is to read what I can, say one sentence, and keep my mind focused on that one alone.  The point is to keep walking as best I can.

Getting right with God has more to do with my personal discipline than it does being disciplined by God.  I know God wants to be close to me, talk to me, encourage me and teach me.  One of the main ways He does this is through His Word.  God's main concern for me is that I continue to be conformed into the image of Christ.  Not by a smack upside the head or a belt to the body.

As His daughter, I want to live as a sponge soaking up His Word.

As my Abba Father, He'll love me and cherish me and coddle me,

All the way Home to His glorious Kingdom of Eternal Safety.