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| The Pastor of my church, Bill Hybels, at Willow Creek Community Church |
I've talked about this before.
I used to go to church twice a week. I was a faithful attender, faithful servant in our kids ministry or singles ministry and I felt excited to be connected in groups of different kinds. I was healthy in many ways but then something happened.
I started having emotional and physical problems at home then at work. I was having seizures regularly, deep depression, anxiety, PTSD - you know, the whole ball of wax. My world was falling apart.
Because of it, I had to step down out of serving, stop attending church, stop being in groups and stop working. I had to go on disability. My life since then has never been the same.
I don't say this for pity nor do I say this to draw attention. A lot of people don't understand the speed of the progression of mental illness. I believe it's always been inside of me. I'm convinced my strength to hold it back gave out. My world collapsed in an instant.
Since then I have tried to get to church. I've had times of success, maybe a month or two but then the anxiety or whatever it is pushes me back. I want to go back but I can't.
What do I do to keep my biblical and spiritual strength up?
I watch our sermons every week online. I'm very blessed to belong to a church that makes this available every week. If I can read, I read some scripture. If I cannot read, I use a bible tool that reads scripture to me. God has provided what I need in order to continue growing closer to him.
My dear friends Marie and Laurie are grounded in the Word so if I'm ever lost or feeling disconnected from God, I can talk to them about it. They help me get grounded and centered.
I love God for all the ways He provides me access to Him.
It's just another way He pours out His love to all of us.
