No running around, no house chores, no place to go.
Well, no place but one.
I needed to pick up my prescriptions.
It was a familiar drive.
A familiar store.
Familiar staff.
Nothing our of the ordinary.
Until I was leaving the pharmacy.
I started to feel a twinge in my stomach.
Then some racing thoughts in my head.
I tried to push them aside but that didn't work.
I used the SASHET feelings list:
Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited or Tender.
I felt sad and scared.
I couldn't identify where these feelings were coming from.
I noticed food entering my thoughts.
Foods to squelch those feelings.
Potato chips, mostly.
The closer I got to the exit doors, the stronger the panic.
I stopped. I had to have those potato chips.
Again I checked in with my feelings.
I still felt sad and scared.
I decided to make the purchase anyway.
One canister was all I needed.
A flavor I enjoyed.
I paid for them and bagged them.
The panic went away.
I did not eat them until I got home.
I ate them while watching a JFK documentary.
I fell asleep for three hours.
Then I got up and went to bed.
I don't know what was going on.
I don't know where the sadness and fear were coming from.
I do know I eat when I feel those feelings.
Maybe I'll talk about it in therapy.
