About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Grieving the Death of A Loved One

This is the best book I've read on grief
When I think about what my nephews and nieces go through this time of year it pulls me out of myself.

Do you know what I mean?

Let me explain.

Four and a half years ago their brother Aaron was riding in the backseat of his friend's car.  He was inhaling propane (huffing) and induced a seizure.  One of his friends dialed 911 while the other pulled off to the side of the road.  They pulled him out of the car and began CPR.

When the ambulance arrived Aaron had no heartbeat and was without oxygen for ten minutes.  The paramedics were able to restart his heart but the brain damage was already extensive.  He was on a ventilator for five days when his parents decided nothing more could be done.

Aaron died on Friday, April 16, 2010  just before midnight.

Each day and year that have passed has seen grieving at many messy stages.  The young people in my life have been blessed to have families that are able to love and care for them outside of themselves.  Most of us have a close relationship with Jesus so we're able to lean on Him when those waves of sadness crash into us unannounced.

Since we have that pillar to lean on, we have been able to help the brothers and sisters of Aaron.  During the past four and a half years, the frequency and depth have changed but even so, the need to process hasn't gone away.  Here's a little sample of what I've learned for ages 9-25 girls and men:

  • I've learned that listening to them, whether they are talking using their voice or on Facebook, is very important. 
  • I've learned to talk about Aaron and not keep him "dead."
  • I've learned to ask questions to keep the conversation lite.
    • "Hey ______.  Have you been thinking about Aaron lately? I have, too. Can you share with me what you've been thinking?  I'd love to hear it."  Then I ask about feelings.
    • "What do you think he'd say about that big 'ol tree?"
    • "What's one of your favorite funny memories about Aaron at Christmas?"
    • "Remember those snowball fights with Aaron?  He was hilarious!"
  • Memories, especially funny ones, are always great for everyone.
This year I'm going to try something new.  I'm going to make an Aaron bag.  I'll supply my family with different half sheets of paper and colored pens.  Each of them can write a letter to Aaron and place it in the bag.  When the bag is done I'll staple it shut, write the year on it then give it to his Dad (and my sister, Aaron's Stepmom) to place under the tree for next year.

I think that will be a nice memory maker in honor of Aaron and a great way for all of us to process our grief privately and as a family.

Grieving the Death of a Loved One is never easy.  It's not meant to be.  Neither is grieving it alone.  God designed us to be in relationship with Him and with each other.  If you need some help dealing with your grief in a healthy way, find a local Christian therapist to help you.  

If you are in my area, contact Faith Gallup or Carol Davis-Serpas listed to the right.