About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I Don't Like the Stress

I'm the child of an alcoholic,
Please don't feel sorry for me.
I have a lot of hang ups,
It's God's plan to set me free.

When certain things happen,
My mind and body are alert.
They tell me it's like a tiger,
That is crouching in my dirt.

There are days I feel very well,
Like I haven't a care in the world.
Those days are not so many,
And so begins my brain of swirls.

END

I don't like my life right now.
I am not having thoughts of self-injuring or suicide.
I'm simply saying I don't like my life right now.

I don't like the stress of people asking to spend time with me.
I don't like the stress of blaming myself for Kitten leaving.
I don't like the stress of one neighbor thinking losing a cat is funny.
I don't like the stress of delaying three Christmas gifts for a week.
I don't like the stress of being unsure if I have enough food until Jan 2nd.
I don't like the stress of eating too much popcorn and gaining three pounds.
I don't like the stress of putting on a happy face and pretending everything is okay.
I don't like the stress of my diagnosis being changed.
I don't like the stress of going outside of my house.

I see my therapist soon.
I hope it's okay.