Last night was our first book meeting. I was so glad I had forethought to write out an agenda. It kept us right on track for discussion, tasking and finishing on time. It was the part of the day I was most nervous about. Even though these women have been part of my past or I knew of them but didn't really know them until now, listening to them express how they personally felt about what they were reading was very valuable and insightful. None of them seemed overcome by sadness yet they felt sad. They were not overcome with surprise but they were surprised. They did not know parts of my past or current coping behaviors though they know me. They knew I was abused as a child but not how early or for how long.
By the end of the 90 minutes, I was exhausted. I saw all of my writing in these ladies hands: All my sharing, all my tears, all the abuse, all the self-abuse, all the coping skills learned over time, all the healing, all the death, all the God moments and so much more. Today is a day for isolation. When I feel what I was feeling above, I watch a couple of episodes of something on Netflix then I either rest my body, do some writing or work on a project. Yesterday I rested my body after small group. Today I work on projects.
God has a way of restoring my mind and body when I am in solitude. There's no noise except for the traffic outside. The sound of a ticking clock. The movement of the cats. The garbage truck going by. Nothing but quiet for my weary soul to find restoration in His presence.
On Sunday, I blew off prayer at church because I believed a lie that I wasn't important enough for someone to stay longer and pray for me. I was really looking forward to it and brought pictures of Aaron with me. I went home mad at myself for believing that lie but reconciled it yesterday. I talked about my behavior in small group. How I told myself this lie - it wasn't Satan influencing me (sometimes I think He gets too much credit). When small group was over, my dear friend Ann sat down next to me and listened to me talk about Aaron (through tears) and my nervousness about the book meeting. At the end, she yelled, "You're the boss, Amy! You're the boss!" It was at that moment that I remembered I had leadership gifts, this was my book (and God's) and as long as I stay in tune with Him, my goal of being published in one year will happen.
That's what I told my Merry Group of Women last night.
I want to be published in one year: 04-16-17 (In honor of Aaron)
That's how we'll be marching from here on out.
Subject to change.
The second day of Aaron in the hospital. Click Here for Aaron's Second Day
