I've seen cartoons where depression is this blob that suctions itself to a person. I've been carrying that blob for over three weeks. My blob brings suicidal thoughts which are not at all helpful.
Found this:
Basically my friend Kim said this a couple days ago. It's one of the signs that depression is taking a toll on my thoughts and mood. Suicidal thoughts are fleeting and at times comforting.
But I'm not supposed to say stuff like that - ever. It can get me admitted into a psych hospital. For those who do not struggle with this side of depression, it helps to talk about it. Otherwise it becomes a dark monster, like the depression blob.
I don't want to go outside. I don't want to be in public. I don't want to keep lying by saying, "I'm fine," and yet I don't want to talk about it either. I wouldn't know what to say.
Just for today I will keep myself safe.
It's the best gift I can give.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Pet 1:6-7 NIV)
About This Blog
My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!