We Wait On Saturday

Saturday during Easter has always been a strange time for me.

Friday night my savior is crucified and fulfills the prophecy.

Sunday he is raised from the dead and seen by 5,000,  then leaves the Holy Spirit in his place.

But what about Saturday?

I was blessed to be sitting under the teaching of John Ortberg when he was on staff at our church.  Here's what he had to say about Friday, Saturday and Sunday:

Click here for John Ortberg's Transcript on Easter Saturday

Good Friday

Good Friday is a very somber day for me.  I'm reminded of the sacrifice God asked Jesus to make when He came down to earth - to die for all of us sinners.  My sin was included.  In previous years I attended our church service.  In recent years I watched "Passion of the Christ." Today I went and saw "Son of God." No matter how his ministry years are told, how the last days of Jesus' life are told or how his death on the cross is told, I am moved to tears.  I cry because of my sin, I cry that He had to die for my sin, I cry that He endured so much physical pain for my sin and I cry when He declares, "It is finished."  His pain and suffering become my pain and suffering.  Why?  Because I love him and there's no way I can repay Him for all He's done for me.

I went to see "Son of God" with another believer.  I told her about a struggle I had during one scene in the movie or really, a struggle in the true story.  There's a scene after which Jesus has been scourged quite badly and is told to pick up his cross and carry it quite far, up a steep hill where he will be crucified between two thieves.  You can see him struggle and yet they beat him some more.  When the soldiers recognize He is unable to continue on carrying His cross by Himself, they pull an onlooker from the crowd and make this man help carry Jesus' cross.  He addresses Jesus as, "My Lord."

We know nothing about this man.  We can guess he is a believer by what he says and by the way he looks into Jesus' eyes - with compassion.  I felt better knowing this man knew my Savior.

As I watched Jesus and this man carry Jesus' cross, I wanted so badly to ease Jesus' burden.  You see Jesus kept falling down from it's weight and his utter exhaustion.  The man held up the cross while Jesus would be whipped again then fight His way to a standing position to carry the cross.  This repeated itself several times.

I wanted to scream out, "MAN!! Tell Jesus, "Lord, I'll hang onto the cross.  You hang onto me."

It seemed like the right thing to do.  To ease Jesus' burden...to make His pain a little less.  But then I remembered.  His coming here was not for us to ease His pain.  It was for Him to ease our pain.  Let me say that again.

Jesus coming down to earth to die for our sin was not for us to ease His pain.
Jesus coming down to earth to die for our sin was for Him to ease our pain.

How many times do I do things to ease someone else's pain when they need to go through it in order to grow closer to God?

Thankfully, it's rarely nowadays.

Jesus' love for all of us hung on that cross and died a painful death.

Am I living a life that honors the sacrifice He made?

Remembering Aaron

In memory of Aaron, our family gets together for a lift off of balloons or lanterns.  We share a meal together, watch videos that were made in Aaron's memory and sometimes we share stories.

This year was the same with one exception.  You see that little girl in the picture?  That's Aaron's niece.  Her name is Skye.  Her daddy Jonny brought her and she's so precious to all of us.  On a hard emotional day, that little girl brought joy and laughter - something we were able to receive.

The entire picture was one of the most precious moments at our balloon lift off for me.  You see, the taller young lady is my niece, Alicia.  When I look at Alicia and her niece Skye's face, as well as their hands, they have just released the balloon.  Look at their faces!  They have the same expression! Anticipation.  How high will the balloon go?  How far will it travel?  Will we ever see it again?  Will it land in someone's yard?

I think a lot of us ask those same questions when someone close to us dies.
How high up is Heaven?
How far away is my loved one?
When I die, will I ever see my loved one again?
If my loved one is lost, will they ever be found?

Some of those questions don't have answers.

Some of those questions can only be answered when we die.

Some of those questions are only answered by a loving God.

Some of those questions may never be answered.

For me, four years after hearing the heart monitor make that monotone sound telling us he was no longer "alive" is still very painful and sad.  More than I expected this year.  I thought it wasn't going to be as emotional so I wasn't prepared.

It still hit me like a rock.  I didn't do much crying but I felt the weight of being with him that day/week. I have the memories of making this t-shirt with the Alateens, being with my family, being with Shawnda, finishing my talk with Aaron by leading him to Christ and baptizing him in in hospital bed.  I pinned a small cross and a small angel to his hospital gown.  My heart felt so tender when I saw those pinned to his collar at his funeral.  Those memories aren't going anywhere.  Their planted inside my heart.

And someday, I don't know when, there will be a shift.  Two weeks or so before April 16th, I won't be an emotional wreck.  The sadness I feel inside won't be so raw - it will still be soft and tender.  The anger I feel about huffing won't be rage - it will be compassion like alcoholism, it's an addiction.  The numbness I go through will no longer be needed - I'll be able to balance the extreme feelings with forgiveness, mercy and grace.  

It won't be perfect.  It will be messy.  It won't be quick.  But it will happen.  I know this because of my relationship with God and His relationship with Aaron, which are now, forever more.

Huffing Kills - Aaron

Aaron with his girlfriend, Alex

I met him when he was a youngster.  He is the middle brother, outspoken with a huge heart.  He cares a lot about his friends.  No matter what the situation, he could talk his way out of getting into trouble.  Well, most of the time, but that didn't stop him!  His name is Aaron Michael Hunt.  I am blessed to be one of his aunts.

His dad and my sister were married in 2001. When everybody was together, there were four boys, three girls and one set of parents.

"We're a family of nine," the kids would say with great pride.

It was Monday, April 12, 2010.  I had been on disability for almost two years.  I was still having seizures, seeing a new therapist and trying to help my psychiatrist with my meds.  It was a bit of an emotional time, too, because I was newly sober but still cutting.

I was at home when the phone rang.  One of my sisters said Aaron was in the emergency room and they weren't sure if he was going to make it.  What happened?  Two friends picked him up to go to their Alateen  meeting.  Aaron was in the backseat huffing propane.  All of a sudden he went into a convulsive seizure.  The friend dialed 911, pulled the car over to the side of the road, pulled Aaron out of the car onto the side of the road and administered CPR. Aaron did not regain consciousness.  Aaron was without oxygen for 10 minutes by the time the paramedics arrived.  His heart had stopped beating but they were able to get it restarted.  In essence, Aaron died then he was made alive with only a beating heart.  I needed to get there right away.

By the time I arrived, a lot of our family members and Aaron's friends arrived.  That's one good thing about family.  Throughout our recovery, we have had a ton of healing.  With the help of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, we were able to support each other pretty well.

I spent some time with my sister's family, her husband (Aaron's Dad) and especially my young nieces.   It was hard to watch my nieces because they'd already lost Cathy and Maryla.  It's even more difficult trying to explain the machines Aaron was hooked up to and why.

During that entire week most of our lives were living at the hospital.
We were hoping there would be a test that showed promise of recovery for Aaron.
We were hoping he'd open his eyes and start laughing then say, "Ha! Jokes on you!"

What were we really hoping for?
What is it that we really wanted?

We wanted Aaron returned to us unharmed.  We wanted a miracle.
We wanted a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, a friend, a boyfriend - we wanted the complete package that made up my nephew, Aaron
Was that too much to ask?  Of course not.

The miracle WE wanted, never came to pass.  But guess what?  God had another plan.

Aaron's tube was removed on this date, April 16, 2010.  He was going to be an organ donor.  This was somewhere between 11:00 am - 1:00 pm.  All that had to happen is for Aaron's heart to stop beating. Well it didn't stop like it was supposed to.  He had the energizer bunny battery of hearts.  This kid took almost 10 hours to get to Heaven and I think I know why.

Aaron's mom asked me stay with him a lot that final day so we were able to bond a little bit more.  Later that evening when she was taking a break, she asked me stay and come get her if it starts happening.  I'm sitting there with Aaron, looking him and I said to myself, "This kid is sweating."  Aaron is a shower nut.  I asked one of the nurses if they could give him a little bath.  She did and would you believe within a few minutes he started his journey?  I went and got everyone.  When his mom announced "only family" I respected her and stayed behind.  She said, "I want you in there with me."  I felt honored and sad at the same time.

It was very quick.  After he passed and everyone was getting ready to leave, someone asked me what happened to make him die?  In other words, did he make a sound, etc.?

"It's simple," I replied.  "Aaron wanted a bath."

It's helps me remember that he's in Heaven with God and all the angels.
Aaron wasn't perfect.  He made mistakes just like the rest of us.
He didn't plan on dying.

Huffing never tells the abuser, "Hey!  You're getting to far gone for your heart and your lungs to recover so you better back down."  It's an addiction that says, "C'mon.  Those people don't know what they're talking about.  They've never done it so who are they to say anything?

Just a little bit more...
Just a little bit more...
Just a little bit more...
Just a little bit more...
Just a little bit more...

Just a little bit more....and you're dead.

You didn't plan it and look what happened.

Good night.

Missing the Obvious

I read this article from Meier Clinics and knew I had to post some of it here. It's written by Angie, who is a therapist at the northwest Kansas office.  Here's what she had to say about missing the obvious:

God is bigger and more powerful than any of our circumstances, no matter how impossible they might seem. John 16: 33 says “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Whether we grow from difficult relationships and situations depends upon our choices as to how we think about and respond to these. Thus, pray for understanding, for guidance, and to be responsive to God. 

In other words, if it is happening, then there is a reason. It's either happening because it falls into God's perfect will or permissive will, but none-the-less, God is very aware of what is going on and has allowed it for some reason. There are no accidents or coincidences. God has it under control without being controlling because that is just how awesome He is. 

So the next time you question something, remember the obvious: 

1. You are here because you are supposed to be 
2. You have value and worth because God chose to breathe and speak you into existence
3. You have many purposes
4. You have something to offer difficult people and situations 
5. You have something to learn from difficult people and situations
6. You can grow from difficult relationships and situations, especially spiritually
7. God is bigger than your circumstances. 

You are part of the great tapestry God is weaving together, and your thread is supposed to touch multiple other threads (people and their lives) and your thread is meant to be in God's masterpiece for as long as He chooses to weave you through. Remember, God loves you! It doesn't get much more obvious than that. 

_______________ _ _ _ _________________

Angie Witman is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist. She is a Christian counselor for Meier Clinics in northwest Kansas, where she grew up. She has counseled for 22 years and has been employed with Meier Clinics for the past 15 years. She is married and has two children. Scrapbooking, crafts, gardening, and cooking are a few activities she enjoys in her spare time. Angie and her family are active in their community and church. For more information on Meier Clinics and our therapists, please visit meierclinics.org. 

Here's the complete article:  Meier Clinics Musings - Missing the Obvious