Lynne used to be an Elder Assistant at my previous church. It was the first time I'd left my partner and I sought prayer through our Elder Assistants knowing Satan was going to pull on me even harder because I'd left my partner and thought I'd left the lesbian community (If you haven't read this part of my story, read http://godsstoryinmylife.blogspot.com/2015/06/my-story-as-it-relates-to-legalizing.html) I thought I had put it behind me when in fact, the lure was lurking just under the surface.
So I walk into Elders prayer, surrounded by these spiritual giants, and I utter this prayer: "God, whoever is meant to be my prayer person, have them tap me on the shoulder." TAP - It was Lynne. I told her my story in a brief fashion. She was wowed and asked the other three pray-ers to join her in praying for me. We prayed monthly for about two years, even after I went back into the lifestyle and again when I came out of it completely.
I worked for she and Dave, babysat their kids and grew fondly attached to them. Lynne even helped reconcile two friends and I. And one day, POOF. They were gone. I never found out why even though I left inquiring messages. So, I figured they'd gotten what they needed from me.
Now all of a sudden they are at my new church. Not a coincidence. Lynne was so shocked, happy and shocked all at one time. She lovingly put her hands on my face a couple of times and the love of my friend and spiritual advisor came flooding back. I felt so loved and missed. I gave Dave a big hug, remembering him teaching me about his two businesses. Both of them are such hard workers.
So I go into church and I don't know if it's from all of the problems with my medications, the self-injury in my mouth, wetting the bed two times, talking to Earl so much which is great, new friends at small group and around my neighborhood, the pressure of getting my car fixed before winter, going back to food pantries or what but now that I think about it, all of the above are connected to emotions. Let's see.....fear, love, delight from others, pain, embarrassment, anticipation, comfortable, anxious/panicky, sad and perservering.
Right before the service Ann and I connected for a quick hand squeeze and kisses. Near the end of the service I began to have a seizure. I down played it as best I could but these ladies were not letting go of me (literally). They interceded on my behalf that Satan's power would be blown away and off of me like dust. I felt myself settle down a bit, trying to tell them this is what my body does but Jill was having none of it. So I sat with them for awhile and yes, I felt loved and guarded against Satan because of these ladies intercession of prayer. Thank God for discerning women when I'm not giving the right amount of attention to my ailment.
I finally sold the 100 pound punching bag I'd used to get out the anger I felt toward my Dad, Jill and something more recent. It really does feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I'm also missing my dad, the one who abused me so badly. I miss him when I smell leaves burning, being down by the river when I sit or take pictures or fish and I miss him when my friend Carol is grilling. My Dad liked to do most of these things (except take pictures).
So, I miss my dad.
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| (Me as an infant and of course, my proud Dad grilling for us) |
