Self-Injury Distraction Tools

Since I've been able to have a few weeks without self-injury under my belt, I thought I'd share what I've been doing.  Keep in mind injury free does not mean urge free.  The urges have been right on the edge of self-injury pretty consistently.  Maybe one or more of these can help you.

1. I always start with prayer.  "God, please show me how to not self-injure.  Teach me why I want to self-injure.  Give me the strength to overcome this urge."
2. I get on the internet and watch Britain's Got Talent segments, Christian music videos, Ellen DeGeneres clips and anything else that will not dirty my mind.  I want my mind to be restored to good thoughts and I want my feelings to be restored to meaningful emotions or laughter.
3. I use Play-Doh and squish it in my hand like squeezing a ball and feeling it between my fingers.
4. I watch a movie that is either comedy or action.  Drama doesn't help me as it stirs up more emotions.
5. I have a pack of 80+ index cards where I wrote a bunch of positive sayings.  I read through them at least once and pick out the one that fits what I need.  I'll post those tomorrow.
6. I have kitties I can pet, kiss and love on.
7. I have a favorite pillow I hug when laying down to watch a movie.  It's like Linus' blanket from the Peanuts.
8. I call one of my sisters.  They are very supportive and actively involved in my recovery.
9. I go for a drive or for a walk if the weather is good.
10. I go to the forest preserve and watch the fish jump out of the water.  I also watch the chipmunks scurry about.
11. I listen to calming music.
12. I'll take a shower and use special scented body wash and shampoo.  I like Tea Tree shampoo.
13. I'll use essential oils like Lavender or Peppermint.
14. I do some writing, sometimes on my blog.
15. I try to read something simple like the ads for the week or a few verses in the bible.
16. I'll do a house chore like washing the dishes, cleaning out the cat boxes or cleaning a room.
17. I pay attention to my body - the stress level, emotions and hunger.  When was the last time I ate something?
18. I go to a store, like Goodwill, where I can wander aimlessly for hours.  One time I spent almost five hours in there and I had no clue.  My mind needed to zone out and that's a safe way to do it.
19. I make sure I've taken my medication every day.  If I'm skipping here and there, the urges increase because the neurotransmitters are messed up.  
20. When I really can't get a grip, I call my therapist.  I did that yesterday.  I wanted to know how to track these urges, their causes, etc. so she talked me through it.  Now I have a log sheet that measures the intensity of the urge, what the trigger could have been, how I coped and whether or not I self injured.  This is a huge help because I can get that stuff out of my head and onto paper, I can see the progress I'm making, I can see patterns so changes can be made, and it gives my therapist concrete data to be able to help me.

I encourage you to make a list for yourself.  It really does help in the moment of the urge because you don't have to try and think of how to manage it.  You just grab your sheet, start doing it and stay doing it until it passes and then you can put it away.

I hope this helps!

Avoiding Self-Injury

I am 28 days injury free.

As I'm struggling with persistent urges to self-injure, one of the ways I'm trying to distract myself is by watching God centered or fun to watch videos on You Tube.  I happened upon this one.  If this young man can bring people closer to God by overcoming some serious challenges, what am I doing to help the urges go away?

I'm not focusing on my problem.  I'm focusing on my relationship with God, through Jesus Christ, as the solution. I might be preoccupied by the strong pull to self-injure - that's okay.  As long as I don't self-injure as a means of "helping" me.  It's not a help.  It's a hindrance to what real healing and growth looks like.  

God's Love Letter To You

Friends, I needed this today.  For some reason I still feel empty.  Not sure what's going on.  God's love for me seems to be a theme this morning.  It settled my worry down.  I pray you will meet with God so that your spirit can be renewed.

Enjoy.

Feeling A Little Depressed

I'm feeling empty and a little depressed.  I want to disappear, hide and not be able to be found.  Not sure where this is coming from.  I'm willing to take a guess.

My mom joined me in my therapy session last week.  I wanted her to so she could meet my therapist and get an update about the self-injury.  I'm very glad she came.  I might be having some delayed feelings.

It was one of the best sessions I've had.  My mom always provides insight into stuff I can't remember  For example, what was the sexual abuse trauma that happened to me between the ages of 4-6?  Now I know.

My therapist shared what we were working on.  It was interesting to hear her talk about me and likewise to hear my mom talk about me.  There was a tender moment with my mom where she cried a little bit.  I'm so proud to have her for my mom.

It felt like a dump truck had been emptied.  I was a little shell shocked when we were done.  I guess I haven't sat with it until now.

Anyway, it was good overall.  I'm going to rest today.  Way too hot and laying down hugging my pillow decreases the stress and increases comfort.

Getting Psyched Up

Feeling a bit under the weather today.  It's 93 degrees and sticky.  It's like breathing in the hot air from the clothes dryer.  I'm very tired and wish I could melt into the couch.

Still taking the meds as prescribed.  Might call my psych on Friday if this doesn't decrease.  It would be nice to have a fully functional day.  I can fake it for a little while but......

Just finished a great book by Donald Miller, "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years."  He talked about story, our story and how we can rewrite our future.  The way we live our lives is based on the kind of story we want it to tell.  Don't like your story so far?  Change it.

That might be oversimplified.  It's what I walked away with in short.  It's moved me to get going with my own book.

The next book I'll be reading is by John Eldredge, "Walking With God."  It says it's a series of stories of what it looks like to walk with God, over the course of about a year.  I sense a theme here.  My therapist and a dear friend are being lead by God to have me read these.  Okay, I get it!!

I'm so glad God cares about me enough to send messages and instructions through His people.  I have another friend helping with the outline of my book.  She's fine tuning the numbering system and making notes for me.

Lord, you have blessed me with many even though I am a woman of few.  Thank you for these lovely, You centered ladies who add so much joy to my little healing world.  Please bless them however You see fit.

Changes in Psych Medication

Imagine you're going about life then all of a sudden you hear something.  You look around.  The radio is off, the television is off and you live alone.  The house is silent but you hear something.  It's like an interview on the radio.  You hear voices but can't make out what they're saying.  Again, nothing is on in the house.  Then you realize something is wrong.  The chatter is back.

You keep track of how often this is happening.  Three to four times a day.  It scares you because you've heard this kind of thing before in your own life and it's happening with schizophrenics.  But you're 46 years old.  Way beyond the age limit for that disease.  Yet, it worries you.  You're afraid of what your friends might think.  Afraid of what your psychiatrist might say.  Afraid of what your therapist will say.  But you have to do something.

This is not imaginary.  This is not made up.  It unnerves me every time it returns.

Like a lot of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, the medications I'm prescribed fall into specific categories.  Without naming the actual drugs, my prescriptions fall into the following categories:

• Atypical Anti Psychotics - Used in the treatment of schizophrenia and mania 
• Mood Stabilizers - Used in the treatment of bipolar disorder
• Anti Panic Agents  
• Other Anti Depressant  

(Click here for a cateory list of psychotropic drugs from a trusted source)

I talked to my therapist about it and I talked to my psychiatrist.  He increased the Atypical anti psychotic.  It's been 10 days since the increase.  I'm still pretty tired during the day.  I doze off and on.  So far the chatter has stopped.  

I tell you what - As long as the chatter doesn't come back, I'll take being sleepy anytime!

If you have questions about your medication, feel like it's not helping or it stopped helping, please call your psychiatrist's office.  They can't help you if you don't show them your white flag of surrender.