Me? High Blood Pressure?

I went to the doctor because I happened to check my blood pressure last week.  I've been feeling tired, having migraines every morning and trying to manage a lot of stress.

When I was at Walmart I remembered they have a blood pressure machine.  I sat down, put my arm through the cuff then pressed the start button.  The cuff filled up with air around my left upper arm, stayed that way then slowly released the pressure.  I was shocked when I saw the reading:  158/107.

It took a minute or so to catch my breath.  Immediately I started adding up all the contributing factors that could have played a role in this spike.  You see, I've never had a problem with high blood pressure.  In fact during my last metabolic panel everything was good - even my blood sugar.

I have a wrist cuff at home.  The next day I took another reading.  It was lower but still in the high category.  I called my doctor's office and spoke to a nurse.  She asked me a bunch of questions.  There was no evidence of a stroke or reason for a trip to the emergency room.  Instead I was to continue tracking my blood pressure and see my doctor on Monday.

I'm not the type of person who runs to the doctor every time I have a hang nail.  I'm also not the type of person who avoids my doctor when I have a real problem.  I've had the same doctor for about five years.  He's very thorough and we have a good doctor/patient repore.  I'm always honest with him so that he has everything to be able to give me the best medical advice or medications.

He went through a list of stressors and foods that cause high blood pressure.  I told him:

• Yes, I've had a migraine every morning for 11 days.
• Yes, my salt intake has increased (tomatoes/cucumbers) although my doctor said it wasn't a contributor because I was not puffy or retaining water.
• Yes, my stress level has increased
• Yes, I've walked about 2-3 times in the last 2 weeks
• Yes, my weight has been fluctuating in the last month
• Yes, I'm still seeing my therapist weekly
• No, my psychotropic drugs have not changed
• No, I have no chest pain or palpitations
• No, I do not have dizzy spells
• Yes, I do have times when my hands go numb
• No, my vision does not get blurry

I told him I was willing to take a blood pressure medication temporarily until we figure out what is going on.  He was glad to hear it because that's what he was leaning toward.  He ordered an EKG in his office.  I laughed out loud and said, "Those are always false positives."  He looked at me and asked, "Always?"  I replied, "Yes, always."  "Good," he responded, "then we'll have something to compare it to from two years ago."  

The EKG was fine.  He started me out on a very very low dose of a medication to help the blood pressure go down and stay down.  I'm going to create a sheet to track some things.  I'm a little concerned but more than that, I'm motivated.

If my blood pressure is starting to be effected by my weight then I have the power, control and self-will to fix it.  For the next 30 days I'm going to take a walk every day and watch what I eat.  Maybe I can prove to my dysfunctional and disbelieving self that putting forth some effort can have positive results.

After all, I'm worth it and so are you!

Ms. Joan Rivers, Rest In Peace

I've been a secret fan of Joan Rivers for many years.  Her crude jokes always made me laugh because the words she used were too embarrassing for me to say.  She was who she was with no apologies.

When the news shows announced she was in ICU following a throat procedure I was worried.  Melissa, her daughter, moved her to a private room where her mother could rest comfortably.  She asked that we continue to pray for her mom.  On Thursday, September 4th, life support was disconnected and Joan Rivers passed away peacefully.

In her own words, Ms. Rivers was an actress who played a comedienne.  She was a talented writer who kept index card copies of all her jokes in metal card catalog file drawers.  Whenever she thought of a new joke she would scribble it down on a piece of paper then transfer it to the right file drawer for future use.  All jokes were categorized.

I was surprised to learn Ms. Rivers battled with depression.  It wasn't something she hid from people.  It was something she dealt with quietly with her closest friends and family.

I've watched a few videos on news channels.  The one where Melissa and her son, Cooper, watch the casket being loaded into the hearse so that her mother can be cremated for the following day's funeral.  I cried.  Then there's the who's who attending the invitation only funeral and stories from onlookers who turned out for the funeral.

On Netflix there are two movies:

1. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work  2010  This all-access documentary chronicles a year in the life of legendary comedian Joan Rivers while revisiting the dramatic highs and lows of her past.
2. Joan Rivers: Don't Start With Me  2012  At 78, Joan Rivers has no interest in slowing down, and no one's immune from her caustic barbs in this stand-up special.

Ms. Rivers lived a very full life.  She did exactly what she set out to do.  At age 81 she was still making us laugh with a show she and her daughter co-hosted, "Fashion Police."

Ms. Rivers will be sorely missed.  I know I'll miss her.  

I'm not the only one.

God Still Does Miracles

It's easy to sit here and count the many blessings that have found their way into my life.  The fact that I'm sitting here is a miracle in and of itself.  It's a direct result of surrendering my will to a power greater than myself.

When I was in junior high or middle school as it's called nowadays, the dysfunction in my home was at its peak.  My dad was drinking at the village bar almost daily but then on the weekends he would get dressed up and go out.  One time I asked him where he had been.  He said he ordered chicken and sat alone in the car.  I didn't believe him but at the same time I felt sorry for him.

I had gained fifty pounds during those three years in junior high.  The reason I ate so much was because I never knew if/when we were going to eat dinner. Sometimes we wouldn't eat until my dad got home from the bar.  That could be at nine o'clock at night or later.

When I got home from school I would make something to eat that would be substantial enough to keep me full.  I never really noticed gaining weight until three things happened.  My mom and I went clothes shopping and I was now in the "Pretty Plus" section.  What a horrible name for overweight kids clothing.  Second, my dad taught me how to dance.  One time he remarked that if I kept it up my stomach was going to be bigger than his.  I think I still have that picture.  Third, near the end of my eighth grade year, our physical education teachers gave us our statistic cards.  I saw that I'd gained 50 pounds and was sickened.  I hid my card so no one else could see it.

- I was fat and felt like a loser.
- I was fighting with my dad so he wouldn't hurt my mom or sisters
- I was being beaten for things that weren't that bad
- I was alone with no one to talk to except my cat, Molly
- I had friends but not really
- I didn't trust anyone
- I couldn't handle the yelling and screaming anymore

That's when I decided to take my own life.  I couldn't handle the stress anymore.  There were no signals or signs that it was ever going to stop.  The bruises were too many, the healing not enough.

I stayed home from school and decided to swallow a bunch of pills.  Thankfully, the only thing that happened is I fell asleep.  When I woke up I said to myself (out loud), "Well, that didn't work so I guess I'm supposed to be here."  Then I got up and started cleaning the house as if nothing had happened.

God protected me that day.  I didn't know it at the time but looking back I can see His hand of protection over me.  I believe He caused me to fall into a deep sleep.  I believe He removed the burdens I was carrying.  I believe He held me up until help arrived.  Help arrived one year later.

Wherever you are with God or suicide or giving up let me say this:  God loves you and He'll never let you go.  He gives us free will to do with our lives whatever we want - He gave us free will.  His never ending hope is that we will turn toward Him, get on our knees and ask Him for help.

I've done this more times than I can count.
Each time I've done it, He's been there.
God loves us with an everlasting love.

All we have to do.....is reach out and take His gentle hand.