Bed Wetting

Something is stirring deep in my soul.

It has a hold of me and won't let go.

Could it be the bible study I'm part of at church?

Or maybe it's an issue too high on a perch?

Whatever the source,

Whatever the reason,

Something is stirring,

Must be the right season.

Not like spring, summer, winter or fall,

A season of healing or growing, that's all.

But the dreams I am having are disturbing at best.

And late Sunday night I was given a test.

As a little girl who had an abusive dad,

I didn't feel worth anything - nothing I had.

The symptoms of abuse were many not seen.

The one that hurt most?  I kept secretly clean.

It wasn't the bruises that changed color everyday,

Or pulling out my hair or running away.

This one came out at night, sometimes I dreamt it.

I'd wake up cold and wet, the smell of urine, I felt it.

I'd be extra quiet so no one would awake,

Clean pajamas from my drawer, a welcome dryness to take.

My sheet and blanket I'd put in the washer,

Depending how old I was, I'd go back to sleep like a 

Plastic on the mattress to protect it from ruin.

Where was my protection from the embarrassment of urine?

I tried to hide it from my Aunt when I was young.

But she woke me up when the urine had run.

I bring up this subject because it's painful to see,                                                     That I wet the bed Sunday night and haven't done that since I was twenty.

I've had so many dreams where I'm urinating in the right place,

I haven't given it a second thought until this morning in my sleeping space.

So here I am, at 48, wetting the bed like I did when I was 8.

I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed like I used to.

I'm approaching this incident as God wants me to.  

Figure out the feelings and what I'm reacting to.

For now, I take of my pajamas, wash my sheets, my mattress pad and wipe down my water resistant memory foam.  I grabbed a dry blanket and my pillows then fell asleep on the living room couch.  It's amazing how quickly old habits seem to work out.

I love Jesus and I love how much He loves me

Maybe this is just a fluke but the timing is interesting, you see.

My book will include this little episode and all my insides.

But it will not hide the shame that bed wetting makes me feel in the sunlight.

Click here to read: Adventures In Bedwetting

God's Precious Promises

This morning I turned on the TV expecting to watch Law & Order when I heard the voice of a pastor I've come to respect and listen to often.  His name is Dr. Charles Stanley, Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church Atlanta,  I've been watching Charles Stanley's preaching for many years.  I've been blessed by his simplicity, scripture references and ability to tell it like it is over and over again.

This morning's message was no different.

Click here to watch the message