Grieving Losses of People

A strange but normal thing happened the other day.  Something I thought was finished.  I guess that's why I was so surprised.

I was shopping for Christmas when I spotted some gift boxes for gift cards.  There were two in a package.  I thought to myself, "Perfect, I'll get three packages."

I said to myself, "I'll have enough for six people since one of my nieces won't be getting a gift card."  I paid for my purchases and brought them home.  It wasn't until the next day that my bell got rung.

I was putting the gift cards into the boxes when I saw one left over.  I counted it out again. 

Seven nephews and nieces
One without a gift card
Six gift boxes needed

What was wrong?

And then I remembered.  It happened again.  I included my nephew Aaron in the mix. 

Aaron died from huffing when he was 18 years old in April of 2010.  This was the fourth Christmas his absence would be felt.  Sometimes it feels like the first.

My therapist said it's a form of denial that your subconscious goes into.  Like a way to cope with the grief.  I didn't understand it until I chewed on it for awhile.

Along with Aaron are the reminders of Cathy and my Dad who passed away in February of 2008.  I know I'm not supposed to dwell on the past but I think grief is different. 

Grief has it's own timetable.  It's okay to grieve those we loved and even those who were very difficult to love. 

Grief is grief no matter who it is or how long ago they died.

When Depression Sneaks In

For as long as I can remember, depression has never made a timely announcement that it's here.  It's never sent a letter telling me it's coming to town, never sent an e-mail telling me it's arrived and  never sent a text message that it's at my front door.

Depression has bad communication skills.

Depression is not mean, does not possess anger qualities and does not want revenge.  In fact, I picture depression as the complete opposite.

Like the blob on the Cymbalta commercials, depression looks like it has attachment issues.  It's not overly friendly yet it attaches itself to an individual in the form of a jacket or a robe.  It stays with a person and by doing so, brings the person down in spirit.

Depression is not concerned by which person it picks.  It's a level playing field and everyone is an eligible contender.

Depression often sneaks in - like the quarterback sneak play in football.  You don't see it coming until a few yards have been gained.  It might even be too late to tackle before the damage is done.

When depression sneaks in, I follow some simple steps:

1.  Acknowledge the depression so it doesn't take over my life
2.  Talk about it with my therapist
3.  Take my medications as prescribed
4.  Get plenty of rest
5.  Eat healthy and the best way I can
6.  Make sure I don't over do it
7.  Make sure I don't isolate for too long (maybe a day or two maximum)
8.  Read positive things
9.  Watch funny or positive movies
10.  Talk to my psychiatrist if it goes on for too long

It takes some practice learning about managing my depression.  The more I put those 10 coping skills into practice, the better I'll be able to take care of myself naturally.  So far, we're good.

This is depression day number six.