Fasting

Throughout my Christian walk, fasting has played an important part in being able to hear God when my mind is stuck in racing thoughts.  I used to fast once a week with a friend when we worked at the same ministry.  Since I left that job and went on disability, fasting hasn't been on my radar.

Until now.

I don't know what prompted it.  I was captivated by the struggles I was having with discipline in some areas I've always been challenged to balance.  And then I heard it.

The Holy Spirit telling me to fast.

I recognized the voice.  I've heard it many times.  It's not audible.  It's in my head, part of my faith.  I obeyed, wondering what was going to be revealed once the fast was done.

Isn't that just like us?  Tell me the ending at the beginning.

I started the fast one evening and it lasted forty-eight hours.  I feel clear headed now.  I feel tired - probably from lack of nutrients so it's a good tired.  Still, I wonder what purpose the fast was for.

I trust God.
I trust His wisdom.
He doesn't waste anything.
He knows my future.

Perhaps He wanted me to get back to healthier eating.  Maybe He wanted me to have an empty stomach to be reminded of how good it feels.  I feel the best when it's empty.

Maybe it has something to do with obedience in my whole life.

In any case, I followed His lead and I know for a fact that's all He wants me to do.  After all, He alone is responsible for the results.

Seeing Myself As God Sees Me

For the past two days I've had an unusual amount of energy which I've wisely taken advantage of.  When you have mental illness and your primary diagnosis is major depressive disorder, any day that starts with clear focus and energy should be harnessed.  I've been throwing this extra energy into housework. Not just any housework but the down and dirty housework.  Scrubbing floors, vacuuming out vents, etc..  The tough stuff.

I decided to listen to a cassette tape from a 1995 small group leadership retreat our church held for it's own small group leaders.  It was taught by Russ Robinson.  Out of all the messages I've heard in my 25+ years at my church and all their weekend, midweek, retreat and conference messages, this message is in the top ten.  That says a lot, don't you think?

What I've been hearing over and over again goes hand in hand with the inventory I've been taking of myself. Questions like:  Who do I want to be at 57 that I'm not at 47?  What are the three areas God is pointing out for me to focus on?  What are some goals I need to set and how am I going to achieve them?  Lastly, am I living a life of making consecutive right choices and decisions, even if it's just a couple a day?

These are the things I am receiving as I open my life up to God - for Him to explore the dark areas of my soul that are hampering or holding me back from the great purpose He has planned for me.  A great purpose He wants me to share with the world - even if it's just one soul.  His great purpose will require a transformation so great in my soul that I will no longer be the person I once knew.  

• I will no longer be the timid, shy, broken and abused little girl who hides in food, alcohol, self abuse and pain. 
• I will no longer be the angry little boy who plots revenge on the abuser, dreams about violent death to the abuser or wishes for a fair fight where I can knock him down so he stays down.  
• I will no longer be the scared preteen driving a Suburban by myself from McHenry to Island Lake while he drinks beer.  
• I no longer have to be the protector of my sister when she is begging my dad to let me drive when I'm a preteen when he's telling me to tell him when he's crossing the yellow or white lines. I drove home that night.  
• I will no longer see myself as he saw me.

He never saw me.  

He certainly did not see me as God, my loving Abba Father, sees me.  I am Abba's planned adored daughter, beautiful child, dear one, precious baby, celebrated toddler, growing sprout, protected young adult, treasured teen, saved young adult and kindhearted adult.

It's time for me to see myself as God sees me.

A Homeless Man Ignored

I did not write this.  It's one of my favorite true stories.

A Pastor transformed himself into a homeless person and went to the 10,000-member church that he was to be introduced as the head pastor that morning. He walked around his soon to be church for 30 minutes while it was filling with people for service.  Only 3 people out of the 7-10,000 people said hello to him. He asked people for change to buy food – no one in the church gave him change.

He went into the sanctuary to sit down in the front of the church and was asked by the ushers if he would please sit in the back. He greeted people to be greeted back with stares, dirty looks, and people looking down on him. As he sat in the back of the church, he listened to the church announcements and such. When all that was done, the elders went up and were excited to introduce the new pastor of the church to the congregation. 

“We would like to introduce to you our new Pastor.” The congregation looked around clapping with joy and anticipation. The homeless man sitting in the back stood up and started walking down the aisle. The clapping stopped with all eyes on him. He walked up the altar and took the microphone from the elders (who were in on this) and paused for a moment then he recited,

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.

 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ ‘The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

  

After he recited this, he looked towards the congregation and told them all what he had experienced that morning. Many began to cry, and many heads were bowed in shame. He then said, “Today I see a gathering of people, not a church of Jesus Christ. The world has enough people, but not enough disciples. When will YOU decide to become disciples?” He then dismissed service until next week.

Following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ should be more than just talk. It ought to be a lifestyle that others around you can love about you and share in.” Be a Christian all you want, but at least follow the teachings of Christ if you’re going to claim the title.

Story taken from www.Godvine.com - click here

Memorial Day 2014

As a child, Memorial Day was the last holiday before school let out for the summer.
As an adult, Memorial Day was the first holiday I had off from work.
Memorial Day meant very little else.

As a child, my Dad had a large cloth American flag he hung outside on our house.  I think either our village or someplace close had a parade we went to.  Then there was a picnic where we played with other kids.

I've always been sensitive to the playing of our national anthem, the sight of marching soldiers and saying the pledge of allegiance in school.  Seeing our flag waving in the wind or flying at half mass touches me deeply.  I don't know why but it's been that way as far as I can remember.

The professional baseball games I've been to, when we are asked to stand, remove our hats and place our right hand over our heart gets me all choked up then starts a steady stream of tears.  I think about how fortunate I am to live in a free country, no matter what issues we're dealing with in our politics.  I'm not in any immediate danger and neither is my family.

Then I look around at everyone who is singing or at least standing.  I look at their faces and for 1-2 minutes, we all agree on one thing - we love our country and are proud to be Americans.  All nationalities, all ages, all backgrounds, soldiers and ordinary citizens.

We are united under one flag.

It wasn't always that way.  Many men and women have died to keep it that way.  To protect us from the tyranny of other countries who, early on in our establishment for independence, tried to force us into their way of life.

The sacrifice and bravery of every fallen soldier, since the birth of our country, is honored on Memorial Day.  It's not about the picnics or parties or parades although each of those can be looked at as benefits of a free nation under God.

Here's a great video and article about the history of Memorial Day.

The History of Memorial Day

Let's thank God for our nation and pray for the families who have lost loved ones by defending our freedoms. Never forget their sacrifice. 

Bible Reading

When I'm resting in the arms of the Lord, I feel at peace and my mind and body are at rest.  I sleep better, I eat better, I think better and I worry less.  I'm able to move about my day without much anxiety and give myself a break if I don't accomplish much.

The Bible tells me to be still and know that He is God.  Sometimes being still is a little harder than I think it is.  Then knowing He is God while being still suggests I remove myself from the head of the table.

How do I be still?  I usually sit down, close my eyes and lay my head back.  I focus on slowing down my breathing so that it's even and rhythmic.  Then I listen to the noises around me (I already have the television off or any other distractions).  Someone once told me to quiet my mind by listening to what's going on around me.  It's a very good suggestion for meditation.

What do I do to know that He is God?  I imagine stories from the Old Testament where He showed Himself.  With Adam and Eve in the garden; Abram and Sarah; Isaac and Rebekah; The Israelites and Moses, Aaron and Joshua going from Egypt into the Promised Land.  Stories where God spoke directly to the prophets.  Then in the New Testament when Mary was made with child and Jesus was born.

Knowing scripture is the only way to really be still and know that He is God.  If you struggle with being still, you can meditate on God's word for comfort or whatever it is you need.  If you want to know more about God, find a version of the Bible that is easy for you to understand and read it as little or as much as you can.  Ask the Holy Spirit to make the Word come alive to you in meaning and in application.

If you haven't yet given your life to Jesus and have questions about what that means, ask your pastor or a Christian friend to help you.