Another Break?

Yes, I've hit another wall of exhaustion.  Hope to be continuing the therapist stories over the weekend.  If you are so inclined, please pray for my health.  Struggling with migraines again.

Carol E. Davis-Serpas, LCPC

Carol works for Meier Clinics in Wheaton, IL as an outpatient therapist.  She also teaches in their Adult Day Program.  She has many specialties and loves the Lord deeply.  I wasn't sure we were compatible at first.  Once I understood her style of therapy and after testing her quite a bit, I knew God provided the next right person to help me heal.

During the summer of 2006, I started remembering my dad sexually abusing me.  It was common for me to say, "If I ever really remembered what happened to me, I'd end up in the hospital."  That's exactly what happened.  I was having a lot of difficulty managing the flashbacks.  I was drinking more, missing work, running away from home (literally packing my car and taking off without telling anyone) and using every bit of mental and physical energy to keep it together.

By October I couldn't hang on any longer.  Through God working out the details, I was accepted into Meier Clinics Day Program.  The first day was a bit nerve racking.  I knew I would be assigned a therapist but I didn't know who.  The first half of the day I met about 3-4 of them.  The one I knew for sure I wouldn't be able to handle was Carol.  She was confident, firm in what she taught and looked you square in the eye.  Yikes!

Yes, I was assigned to her.  Truth be told, Carol is the best therapist I've ever had.  I was such a mess.  I was trying to do it all and was losing the battle.  About four months into meeting with her, I attempted suicide.  I left a message on her voice mail hoping she would call 911.  She did.  I needed her to and she came through.

Carol continued working with me all the while teaching me, stretching me, encouraging me, guiding me, praying over me and listening intently to me.  She's an amazing woman of God.  Whenever we had conflict it was dealt with quickly.  Whenever I walked out during a session, Carol let me know I could always walk back in.  Whenever I cried during a session, Carol would grab a Kleenex and dab her own eyes.  Whenever I was scared and just wanted to be with her, I would stretch out on the couch and she would read scripture to me.  And whenever I would start talking then have to stop, she would wait patiently and not interrupt the silence.

Sometimes, God led Carol to have me work on a specific art therapy drawing.  Sometimes, God led her to try EMDR or DBT or a PTSD workbook.  Sometimes, God led me to read a psychology book and when I showed it to Carol, she'd read it, too.  Carol is a lifetime student.  Sometimes, I'd be in a really good place and we would laugh quite a bit.  I felt at ease being myself.  You can tell Carol feels at ease being herself, too.

Because I went on disability and lost my medical benefits, sadly, I had to stop seeing Carol after 3 years.  To this day whenever I feel lost, I long to see her and talk to her.  It's probably part of my Borderline Personality Disorder but I don't care.  Carol knows she will always have a special place in my heart.

Ray Boltz sings a song that has the following lyrics:  "Thank you, for giving to the Lord.  I have a life that's been changed.  Thank you, for giving to the Lord.  I am so glad you gave."  Carol gave her time and talent to help me live beyond what I thought I'd never survive.  I thank God for her and still shed tears.

Elizabeth J. Morrison, LCSW

For the next few days, I'm going to introduce you to a therapist who made a huge impact in my recovery.  There are five of them.  The first one is Liz Morrison.

I started 12 step groups when I was 14.  My parents divorced six months later.  I hated my mom, didn't really have a relationship with my sisters and now the only one who gave me attention - albeit negative and destructive - was gone.  I was lost.  I had no identity apart from being abused.  I started acting out.  My mom was already in recovery for just over a year.  She knew what to do.  She gave me an ultimatum:  See a counselor or move out.  Obviously I went to see a counselor.  But it wasn't Liz.  It was someone else.  This other woman was good for awhile but then misled me in significant areas of my identity.  It was then that I decided to leave.

I called a local agency to see a new counselor.  The next woman was just like the previous one mentioned above.  I was shocked and disheartened.  I started going to group therapy.  That's when I met Liz.  She facilitated the group.  I liked her gentleness and sincerity.  I knew almost immediately that I wanted her to be my counselor.  I took some risky steps, asked her to be my therapist and it came to be!

I was a new Christian, struggling with my sexuality, PTSD from abuse memories, flashbacks and dreams, displaying signs of depression and mental illness, leaving my dad, finding my place in my family and healing from a bad car accident.  To put it simply, Liz helped me through the bulk of my early healing.

She did this through her natural calm, teaching art therapy, encouraging me to write, becoming someone I could trust, not taking over the session, respecting my physical boundaries, mentioning God from time to time, letting me talk at my pace and at times, challenging me to think differently. Liz was the first one who made it a safe place to cry in front of someone.  I always cried alone.

How do you thank someone who impacted your broken life in such a healing way?  I remember what she taught me, how much she loved me, the many prayers she said on my behalf and I continue using the coping skills she taught me.  That is how I honor her.

This song tells what I learned about God during the 15 years Liz counseled me.