Aaron Michael - Putting This Year To Rest

I'm putting 2015's grief to rest by sharing the videos I and others made in memory of him.

They remind me of how much he was loved through the music and pictures we used.

Even though Aaron will never be with us on this earth, we hold him close in our heart.

Step-mom, Tina made this one

I made this one

Aaron's Anniversary Years 2009-2015

I think it's normal and healthy to acknowledge the death of someone who meant a lot to you by doing something special on the day they died.  We do this for Aaron on that day and on his birthday.  The week he was in the hospital then the day he died is hard for a lot of us.  We tend to relive that week.  But the hardest part is reliving the moments up until his heart monitor flat lined, when we who were in the room, knew he had passed from a hospital bed in McHenry to the streets of gold in Heaven.

We had gotten through the first year but not without scrapes and bruises.  One of my nieces was having an extremely difficult time.  My nephews were unsure of who they were without their brother around.  Aaron's parents were as expected.  I don't remember much except I was being hospitalized.  I managed to stay sober.

In 2009 & 2010 we wrote messages, put them inside the balloons and released them near his lilac bush.

In 2011 & 2012 we wrote messages on balloons and let them go (Aaron's Dad).

  

In 2013 we lit sky lanterns.
Some we have purchased and some have been given to us in memory of Aaron.   

I think Aaron's sisters are the ones with the lit lanterns:  Hope, Samantha and Alicia.  All of us were there:  Aaron's Dad, StepMom, Aunts Amy and Tracy, Uncle Bill, Brothers Joe, Jonny and Ryan, cousins Chelsea and Neena and Grandmas Kathie and Carol.  Some friends came over, too.  I remember it being the first time all of us were together since the funeral.  Ryan was playing Fireflies by Owl City out of his maxed out speakers.  This might have been the year the police came by to ask us to turn down the music or it was the next year.

2014 we did helium balloons.

        

   Aaron's Bro, Jonny with         Aaron's sister Alicia
   his daughter, Skye and            with Skye
   his Grandma Kathie and
   Aunt Tracy.

2015 - This year we lit sky lanterns again.

I shot a couple of pics and the video down below.  I wanted to capture this night so that our family and friends would be able to share in it .  Even though this is a sad time, when you see this video, I think you'll agree that it's a way for us to heal - little Skye brings laughter and excitement which is what her Uncle Aaron would do if he was here with us.

Click here and you'll be directed to YouTube to watch our 2015 Sky Lantern Lift Off in Memory of Aaron Hunt

The Rest of 2010 Without Aaron

Grieving the loss of anyone's death is hard.  Emotions from the past can flare up, rendering the griever unable to function at any any given moment.  It doesn't have to be on the anniversary date, the birthday, a holiday or a significant event.  It can be visiting a special destination, driving by a favorite place, smelling something that brings back favorite memories or even seeing something that snaps you back in time with the person who loves you who is now gone.

Our family has had experiences of all sorts.  Some have seen Aaron in other people and initiated conversations with him to be told that he is okay.  I have seen people that look like him and I watch them from afar while my heart quickens.  These experiences are a bit unnerving but just the same they bring peace and comfort.

Aaron died 2-3 weeks before his High School Graduation.  One of my nephews graduated from middle school 4 weeks after Aaron died.  My niece had to give a report on the D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program right after Aaron died.  It was so important for us to pull together as a family but most of all it was important for ME to let everyone be and grieve and act the way they needed to in order to get through this very hurtful time that none of us had ever experienced.

Having eyes like Jesus is looking past outward behavior and into the heart of the one who is struggling with emotions that are deep and confusing and scary and sad.  As the aunt to the young ones in my life, I felt it was I who needed to show them Jesus' eyes and hands and heart and love.  I know what it's like to receive all of that from Him over and over again.  Now it's time to give it away.

Aaron's Dad and Stepmom put together a memorial site that September 6, 2010 for his 19th birthday.  It included some pictures, his favorite colors of bright green and black, a special cross, Aaron's urn, a picture of he and his brothers with their great grandmother, a gift from his 4-H club and a stained glass piece from his Uncle Bill for his love of music.  

Aaron's urn & his last picture taken the week
before his death and at Christmas 2009

What do you do afterward?  My sister decorated a round table and every holiday it changes.  All of us have contributed something and sometimes I'll add something new.  

You have to remember when Christmas shopping instead of shopping for 9 it's now 8.  You have your first family Christmas picture without him.  You shed tears at your first family tradition of Santa and Mrs. Claus visiting on Christmas Eve.  You cry a little bit when Mrs.Claus hugs you and shares they were not sure what they'd be walking into with the death of Aaron.  They've been part of our lives for many years and had gotten to know each of the kids (and us) pretty well. Their presence that evening was such a blessing because their smiles, laughter and uplifting singing brought the love of Jesus into our grieving world.

That year ended but it did not stop the pain and grief from tumbling out in weird moments.  

Each year since Aaron died, my sister calls the Administrator of each school to tell them about Aaron's death so that if her daughter(s) is having a difficult day or is teary, they know why and my sister can pick her/them up to come home.  It doesn't matter what the date is on the calendar but especially on the anniversary of his death and his birthday.

Aaron's death changed all of us in some way.  

That's what happens when someone you love dies - 

The Days After Aaron's Death

Preparations were being made for his wake and funeral.  Those would take place the following week at the same time.  Aaron would be in a casket for viewing then he'd be cremated.

The more I thought about it the more I wanted my car to make a statement about his death and I wanted that statement made at the funeral home.  I bought window markers and wrote these messages all over my car:

    

My nephew wanted to spray paint art on a canvas so I took him to get what he needed.  My nieces made posters with pictures of Aaron and of them together.  My littlest niece drew pictures of she and Aaron.  Everyone had their own way of expressing their grief.  All of them were on display at the funeral home either on a tripod or on a table for visitors to see.

Before visitors began arriving, I went up to Aaron's casket.  I was surprised to see the two pins (the angel and the cross), one on each lapel.  I think it was his mom who came up to me and I said, "The pins - they're on his shirt."  "Yeah, someone put those on him at the hospital so we decided to put them on him."  I was quiet and said, "It was me.  I gave them to him when I baptized him."  She asked, "Oh, Amy, do you want those back?"  I replied, "No, not at all.  It's just a surprise to see them, that's all."

I realized the finality of saying good-bye to Aaron was coming up fast.  Those pins were going to be cremated with him, mixed in his ashes and a part of his earthly body forever.  I knew his soul was already in Heaven - that the Aaron I knew had been gone for many days.  Still, seeing him in that casket, is still vivid in my memory.  Lots of roses.

Aaron's funeral and wake had visitors from everywhere.  It was like being at the hospital again with all the students waiting in line to see him in the ICCU.  When his dad and my sister needed a break from the receiving line, myself and one of his uncles stepped in.  Again, lots of students crying, needing hugs.  We were overwhelmed by the number of people who were there.  A little while later we were told 550+ people were there and lines were out the door.

When it was time for his eulogy, his favorite song, "Fireflies" by Owl City, played and you could hear the song being softly sung by almost everyone there.  Someone recorded the eulogy and it's evident these kids loved Aaron.

Aaron's life touched many when he was alive.  I'm not sure he knew that.
Maybe if he did he wouldn't have taken such a high risk as huffing.

But then again, who among us thinks we'll be missed as much as we really will.

I know I don't.

5 Years

Morning came.
It was somber.  It was sad.
It was very sad.

All of us said our good-byes.
Aaron was taken away so we waited.
We were told the organs had to be harvested in a certain time frame which meant Aaron had to pass away by a certain time.
So, we waited.

And then the strangest news came from his doctor - Aaron didn't die.
He was supposed to die because of all the trauma to his brain.
His breathing should have stopped on it's own, having been disconnected from the ventilator.
But Aaron had a very strong heart.
Or, God had another plan.

Early in the afternoon, Aaron was brought back up to his room.
He was breathing on his own, his heart was beating strong.
There was no false hope that he was going to wake up.
It was a matter of time before he died.

I was sitting with Aaron's mom when she stood up to leave.
She asked, "Amy, will you stay with Aaron today and come get me when it happens?"
I couldn't believe she trusted me with her son's final moments.
"Yes," I said, without hesitation.

I stood watch over Aaron like a knight guarding a castle.
I watched the nurses check on him and asked questions.
I was able to answer questions his mom and dad asked.
Family members felt better knowing I was in there keeping watch over him.

Hours passed by and nothing changed.  It got to be around 10:00 p.m.
I thought to myself, "Why is he still here?  What's holding him here?"
Then I remembered something.  He hasn't had a bath today.
This young guy likes to be clean and he hasn't had a bath.
I went to the nurse's station and asked if they could give Aaron a bath.
Yes, they sure could.

I sat in a chair at the foot of the bed (not watching, of course).  Just as the nurse was finishing up I asked, "Is one of the signs, of him passing away, his blood pressure dropping like that?"  "Yes."   "Should I go get his family?"  "Yes."

I quickly scooted out to the waiting room just as his mom and dad were about to get into the elevator.  I said, "It's time."  Aaron's mom looked at me and I waved she and Aaron's dad toward me and said, "C'mon, now, it's time."

As they hurried she said, "Family only."
I stayed in the waiting room and she said, "Amy, you're with me."
Aaron's dad, his oldest brother, his aunt and uncle, myself, his mom and his other aunt and uncle surrounded his bed.  His other family members and girlfriend were either in the waiting room or too exhausted so they went home earlier.

We watched the monitor as Aaron's blood pressure slowly went down.
Those of us in that room watched his life transition peacefully and quietly.
And when that machine made the sound that broke the silence,
I knew our loved one was in the arms of the One who brought him home.

And the bath?
Well, let's just say, I still think Aaron got the last laugh.