Our family has had experiences of all sorts. Some have seen Aaron in other people and initiated conversations with him to be told that he is okay. I have seen people that look like him and I watch them from afar while my heart quickens. These experiences are a bit unnerving but just the same they bring peace and comfort.
Aaron died 2-3 weeks before his High School Graduation. One of my nephews graduated from middle school 4 weeks after Aaron died. My niece had to give a report on the D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program right after Aaron died. It was so important for us to pull together as a family but most of all it was important for ME to let everyone be and grieve and act the way they needed to in order to get through this very hurtful time that none of us had ever experienced.
Having eyes like Jesus is looking past outward behavior and into the heart of the one who is struggling with emotions that are deep and confusing and scary and sad. As the aunt to the young ones in my life, I felt it was I who needed to show them Jesus' eyes and hands and heart and love. I know what it's like to receive all of that from Him over and over again. Now it's time to give it away.
Aaron's Dad and Stepmom put together a memorial site that September 6, 2010 for his 19th birthday. It included some pictures, his favorite colors of bright green and black, a special cross, Aaron's urn, a picture of he and his brothers with their great grandmother, a gift from his 4-H club and a stained glass piece from his Uncle Bill for his love of music.
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| Aaron's urn & his last picture taken the week before his death and at Christmas 2009 |
What do you do afterward? My sister decorated a round table and every holiday it changes. All of us have contributed something and sometimes I'll add something new.
You have to remember when Christmas shopping instead of shopping for 9 it's now 8. You have your first family Christmas picture without him. You shed tears at your first family tradition of Santa and Mrs. Claus visiting on Christmas Eve. You cry a little bit when Mrs.Claus hugs you and shares they were not sure what they'd be walking into with the death of Aaron. They've been part of our lives for many years and had gotten to know each of the kids (and us) pretty well. Their presence that evening was such a blessing because their smiles, laughter and uplifting singing brought the love of Jesus into our grieving world.
That year ended but it did not stop the pain and grief from tumbling out in weird moments.
Each year since Aaron died, my sister calls the Administrator of each school to tell them about Aaron's death so that if her daughter(s) is having a difficult day or is teary, they know why and my sister can pick her/them up to come home. It doesn't matter what the date is on the calendar but especially on the anniversary of his death and his birthday.
Aaron's death changed all of us in some way.
That's what happens when someone you love dies -
