I was sitting at lunch with a friend yesterday. We were talking about a friend of hers when the topic of believing lies came up. We started talking about dream interpretation and I shared this with her:
This dream never happened but I used it as an example as if it had.
What if I had a dream that my nephew Aaron, who died at age 18 from huffing three years ago, told me that I should have told him about Jesus the month before he died instead of the week before he died. He never would have been with his friend that day, he never would have huffed on propane that day, he never would have convulsed in seizures that day and he never would have died.
His message to me was: It's all your fault.
Question to my friend: Was it all my fault?
Answer: No - it was his choice.
Bring it back to real life - to my childhood.
Was my dad's sexual and physical abuse toward me my fault?
Answer: No - it was his choice and free will.
What lie do I still believe?
Answer: I must have done something terribly wrong as a small child.
Other beliefs I carry around that impede my progress:
Because of the abuse, I am too broken to mend.
I am here to help others but my happiness won't be until I'm in Heaven.
My size protects me because I can intimidate offenders.
Beliefs that can help my recovery:
I don't want to carry the weight of my father's sin anymore on my body.
His pain is not my pain anymore.
Even though he has been dead for almost 6 years I am allowing him to continue hurting me.
Remember what I told him at his wake.
I need to feel physically strong so I can be confident that I can adequately protect myself. I have a fear of being attacked. It doesn't matter where it comes from - I'm honoring it.
I wish telling Aaron about Jesus a month earlier would have saved his life. I'm sure his parents and brothers and sisters all have the same thoughts about what they could have done differently. Truth is, Aaron was a young adult. He was asked several times if he needed help, to ask us. He never did.
None of us is ever at fault for someone else's choices. Sometimes, like me, reprogramming our beliefs takes many years and lots of therapy to get to a place of letting that misplaced responsibility go.
Jesus died so we'd be set free. "If you are truly my disciples and live as I tell you, then you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." John 8:31-32
It just takes some time....and patience.
