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| (c) Posted with permission of Jennifer K. |
I cannot stop looking at you because you forgave all of my sin.
For so long I wandered in the desert, like a sheep, I had gone astray.
When I found what I was looking for, I cried on that day.
Now I stand here with arms outstretched, my hands are open wide.
Take me where you want me to go, I will follow you as my guide.
Sit back and relax as I tell you a story about the friendship between Jennifer and I.
We grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. She in a little town and I in a little village. We attended the same grade school until Jennifer moved away for a short time.
Our little grade school had two of every grade except for fifth grade - there was only one class. I don't remember how we connected but I have a picture of her at one of my birthday parties and one of the two of us in Girl Scouts. We are beaming with smiles.
My home life at that time was already difficult. I was sexually abused and the physical abuse became regular. It was hard for me to sleep through the night after the abuse. My body hurt, my sisters were crying and the yelling did not stop. The bed wetting woke me up when I did fall asleep. Then I had to get up, put something on my mattress to cover the wet spot, put the sheets and blanket into the washer then try to go back to sleep. I rarely fell back to sleep.
I was pretty quiet at school. I'm an introvert by nature but this was a different kind of quiet. I wanted to blend into the walls so no one would see me. Having friends was fun but also risky.
When we moved onto Jr. High (three years I don't really remember), friendships changed. Jennifer began hanging out with a whole new crowd that I instinctively knew I did not belong in. She's an extrovert and loves to be with people. That new crowd was the school spirit crowd and it was the perfect fit for her outgoing and bubbly personality.
The same thing happened in High School. After my parents divorced and I wasn't dealing with active alcoholism anymore and I was going to Alateen, I was able to have some friends all four years. I learned who I liked and the type of crowd I was drawn to. Simple people who valued loyalty and honesty, laughter and detentions.
Even though I felt sad to lose my friend, Jennifer and I found friendships where we fit and we were both happy.
Fast forward to about a year or so ago. A friend request on Facebook leads to comments on each other's posts then a shared coffee which leads to a heartfelt reconnection that was planted so many years ago. There was instant love with no pretense, authentic conversation, a little teasing at her best friend's (and my friend, Saundra's) volleyball game and some really nice chats.
Here's what I've learned: As children we go through a lot of emotional and relational changes, especially in our friendships. I believe God plants seeds in people and when both parties are ready, those seeds begin to sprout. Sprouting leads to growth and growth leads to blossoms. Nurture in the form of watering, weeding and fertilizing are essential for the friendship to take root and have healthy growth.
Not all friendships from our childhood changed because of malicious intent. Some of them changed because of unhealthy relating patterns. Some changed because people were going in opposite directions. But some changed because God had a plan for the future. When people remain open and walk through the fear of rejection (that was me), He can circle those people back to each other in adulthood and restore the friendship. That's what I think happened between Jennifer and I.
I consider myself blessed beyond anything I deserve. Our friendship is truly a miraculous one.
All this to say: "There is a time and a purpose for everything under Heaven." Ecc 3:1
