Not a perfect life - I've already tried it and decided it's not worth the stress.
Not a life someone else thinks I should live - too much pressure for their approval.
Not a broken life - I'm allowing healing to take place no matter how slow it moves.
Two years ago on October 14th, God willing, I cut for the last time. I can't believe I've been able to resist that form of self-injury with all these feelings leaking out of the holes in my recovery process. The holes I'm referring to are not negatives or things I'm missing. The holes represent times in my life when I did not feel what I was experiencing - I simply survived it. Introducing then connecting feelings to those experiences is foreign but very necessary so that I can come full circle.
I'm no longer obsessed about folding knives, hunting knives, etc.. I'm not buying first aid supplies. I'm not living in the dark - I turn the lights on every night. I don't watch violent movies all the time. I talk more and have better quality friendships. I've let go of relationships that were hurtful.
I'm learning how to create a better life.
I have an idea of what it will look like - some of the characteristics.
I take my meds as prescribed although I do allow a day off a week.
I pamper my kitties and make sure their needs are meet everyday.
I keep my house orderly and clean.
The struggles I have with my body both in size and hygiene I keep working on.
I set goals so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment.
I ask for help when I need it.
I sleep enough, rest enough and spend time learning about God.
I meet with friends and spend time with my family as I can.
I don't make plans too far ahead so that I don't disappoint people.
Key: I allow myself to change anything I need to as I need to.
This is how I learn how to live a better life.
I keep practicing.
