About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Healing Is Hard Work

When the day is done and I'm finished interacting with people, the weight of what I'm carrying in my mind and my emotions resumes its heaviness.

If the phone rings, I put on the mask of pleasant conversation.  I'll share an outline of obligatory words that describe in very vague terms some of what I've been feeling but even with a trusted friend I will not reveal any of the details.

I sit on my couch, staring at this screen, wondering what to write.  I have no epiphany or poetry or wise words about what I'm experiencing.  No insight or spiritual awakening or story that explains the struggles or ties them together somehow for a specific purpose.

It's just one of those days that's coming to a close with the same heaviness I woke up with this morning.

I know God has a plan for all of it.

I know God will work it out for His good.

I know God will one day take this mess and make it good.

Until then, I work on it with my therapist.

I work on it daily.

I take my medication.

I work on my self-care and my food plan.

And I keep it touch with God so that I can hear what it is He wants me to do, be and become.