About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Feelings: Good vs. Bad?


When feelings begin to rise, depending on how I perceive them, I make a choice.
If they are feelings I perceive as good, I allow them to surface and enjoy them.
If they are feelings I perceive as bad, I stuff them down by whatever means necessary.

I've heard it said around the tables of 12 step groups that feelings are neither good nor bad. Feelings just are.  What does that mean?




Here's what I've learned it means:

1.  Feelings are a response to an experience.
2.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong.
3.  Feelings are not the same for everyone.
4.  Feelings range in intensity.
5.  Feelings can protect us from harm.
6.  Feelings allow us to connect to others.
7.  Feelings are designed by God for good.
8.  Feelings need to be expressed.
9.  Feelings do not control us unless we let them.
10. Feelings can give us great freedom.

Since I struggle so much with feelings, looking at that list is important for my growth.  I'm not proclaiming all of those to be true in my life.  I'm telling myself those truths because that's what I'm beginning to learn.

Learning about feelings, how they feel and putting a name to them, takes time.  I've found it's not something I can do on my own.  Believe me, I've tried.

I have one of the best therapists ever!  She is well grounded in "feelings talk."  What I mean by that is she constantly asks me how I'm feeling, how does that feel, what did you feel when that happened, etc..  Sometimes it's frustrating because I'm the type that lives up in my head.  Stopping to figure out a feeling is a pain in the butt.

However, I see the added value of what she's asking me to do.  I have to get my head connected to my heart.  I've heard it said that's the furthest eighteen inches known to man!

As I continue down this road of feelings, addiction, self-injury and temptation, I feel encouraged.  Is that a feeling?  It is today.  I'm trying really hard to be consciously aware of what I'm feeling throughout the day, especially when the need to escape pushes its way to the top.

I'm asking myself,

"What feeling did you just push down to the bottom?"