About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Friday, December 19, 2014

Last Night's Dream

I brought the tickets to our church's Christmas Eve service to each of my sisters homes.  I coordinated with them weeks ago about which service would be good for their families.  Then it was a matter of picking the best for all of us, choosing the best seating and printing the free tickets at home.  Everyone is very happy.  Only God!

I say this to lay the foundation for last night's dream.  It took place in the home I grew up in, specifically in the bedroom my first sister and I shared.  My sisters and I are the ages we are now.  It was Sunday morning when I woke up.  The rest of the house was asleep.

I could my pastor beginning to teach.  I knew his sermon was going to include a kid segment because many parents brought their kids to the Christmas Eve service.  I wondered if he was going to borrow from, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and sure enough, he did.

While I was listening I had two helium balloons.  One was white and one was shiny green.  I decided to tie them onto the same ribbon strand.  I noticed how strong they were. I let them float up to the ceiling but it took a lot of strength to pull them down.  I wondered why this was but then my concentration was interrupted.

I could see the Christmas Eve service on my television screen.  Our pastor was interviewing people.  I think he was asking them about situations in their life that looked hard but turned out not to be.  One of the long time staff members, Otis Price, sang verses to glorify God for His provision.  As it turns out you couldn't really hear Otis.  You could just see the sincerity when he sang.

I recognized some of the people.  People I had served with a long time ago.

Then the service switched over to the kids.  That's when parts of the Charlie Brown Christmas played.  The music, the movie and the dialogue.  It was well woven into the sermon and included Linus' part of telling Charlie Brown what Christmas is really all about.

Then, out of nowhere, there was a bright flash of light and the sky turned to dark!  I opened my shade and morning turned to night.  I ran from my bedroom to the utility room to bring our dogs in but Samantha had already brought Suzi in.  I was organizing the room, getting the four ladders out of the way when she brought in Dina.  We were getting the blankets set up when two other sisters and my mom woke up to see what was going on.

We talked about the flash of light.  What was it?  Where did it come from?  What did it mean?

My mom began having breathing problems.  Tracy was trying to get her to sit down and rest but it was obvious she wasn't going to it.  She was still walking around trying to figure this out.

My dad woke up and wanted to know what was going on.  I felt irritated because he always shows up late.  My mom walked into the kitchen still breathing heavy.  I was prepared to dial 911.  And then I heard it.  I heard her hit the floor.  My sisters ran to help her.  I dialed the phone.  After I hung up we made a path for the paramedics.

My dad tried to get involved but we pushed him to the side.  He said he was still her husband but we quickly reminded him that they were in the middle of a divorce and he had no say so in her medical care.

It was still dark outside.  The paramedics hadn't arrived yet.  My sisters and I weren't panicked because my mom started to regain consciousness.

Then I woke up.

This dream could mean several things but right now I don't have the energy to dissect it.