My name is Amy and I'm a survivor.
A survivor of what? You might ask.
A survivor of childhood physical and emotional trauma.
The Lord is my Shepherd, in Him is all that I want.
He wants me to walk with Him in the green meadows
where the dew dances in the early morning sun.
He walks slowly toward the stream of water
that cascades over a hill into a beautiful waterfall.
He rebuilds the weariness of my parched soul that
has been aching for a drink of the Living Water.
Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil. For the evil one has plans to destroy me
but my Shepherd has plans to protect me. All the days
of my life are designed to bring glory unto Him and to Him alone.
Who else would I want to walk with? No one.
No other shepherd could ever do what my Shepherd does.
He loves me with an everlasting love.
He restores my soul.
He is for me, not ever against me.
He cries for me and collects every tear from my eye.
All day long, I wonder about Him.
I dream about Him.
I see Him.
He does way more than that with me.
He thought of me before I was even one day old.
He prepared a home for me on this earth.
He's prepared a home for me in Heaven.
He's my protector, my guardian, my Father, my Savior, my Guide.
I long to ask him, "Why so much pain in my life?"
But I suspect He will only say, "Why not?
Have you not grown closer to me through the pain?
Do you not have a deeper understanding of me in your pain?
Your pain will not be wasted.
I will use it to deepen your faith and draw others unto me.
I already have through you.
You just don't know it.
I watch you suffer and anguish.
I watch you fight and I am so proud.
You are a feisty child of mine, one I can point to and say,
"See? This may have slowed Amy down for a bit but she never gives up!
She always bounces back and does the right thing."
That brings glory to my Name over and over again.
You are very strong, my child.
You have an inner strength that I can use to heal those
who are lost in their pain and can't find a way out.
I know you are struggling right now and I know you are suffering.
Cry, Amy.
Talk, Amy.
Let it out, Amy.
You are in safe hands.
You are in my children's hands.
You can trust them for I've placed them around you.
You can trust me, too.
Come back to me in your own way, my child.
Don't worry about rules and clubs and how to's and what others think.
Get back to church and get back to my Word.
I love you with an everlasting love,
one that does not fade even if you need to walk away for a time.
The pain you are in is going to take some time to heal.
Don't rush it and please don't push it aside.
Don't live in it 24/7 and remember to talk about it with your therapist.
I qualified her for you, Amy.
She's a softie and I know her heart is tender toward you.
She has something to learn from you, too, so don't give up and don't give in.
You are my precious child, my one and only Amy.
I love you so much.
Be still and know that I love you.
Be still and know I'm praying for you.
Be still and know I've surrounded you with my Heavenly realm.
Be still and know I've provided for you.
Be still and know I'm not ever going to leave you.
Be still and know I will have revenge on those who hurt you.
Be still and know I have anger against those who hurt you.
Be still and know how much I want to see you healed.
Be still and know your writing will change lives.
Be still and know...Be still and know...Be still and know that
you are my precious angel, my precious daughter, my sweet one, my darling little girl.
And on those days when you want to give in to suicide, remember,
I don't want you home yet. Your dwelling place isn't ready.
Your work on the earth is not yet done.
When you asked, "Why do you still have me here?",
I want to say to you, "Because I am God and I have a reason."
I can't tell you why.
Trust me.
You may never know but you can trust me.
I have reasons, Amy, and they aren't always easy to explain.
But you can trust me because I've never broken a promise to you, have I?
No, I haven't.
And when I say to you, "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring
hope and healing to those who are still suffering,"
I'm serious. I want you to write your story.
You have much to share, much tragedy, much hope,
much experience, much insight, much wisdom and
much pain that can bring light into people's darkest regions of their souls.
But only you can reach the people I want reached with your story, Amy.
You're story will change their lives and in that
I hope you will understand that your suffering was not in vain.
Remember this: I love you. I won't ever leave you. I have a plan and purpose for you. Do the hard work, cry the hard and lonely tears, reach out to those you need right now, and relax, Amy. Relax in everything that is coming your way. I have you wrapped in my arms, my safe and loving arms, and no one can ever snatch you, okay? Okay.
Love your true Father,
Abba God.
