About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Friday, January 08, 2016

How Are You Doing?

You know what question I hate being asked?

How are you doing?

Grrrr.  How am I doing?  Let's see:

  • Did I get enough sleep?
  • Did I take my meds?
  • Are my meds working?
  • When do I see my psychiatrist?
  • Have I eaten?
  • Did I overeat?
  • Am I feeling depressed?
  • Anxious?
  • Traumatized?
  • Have I had any weird dreams?
  • Have I left my house?
  • Am I spending too much time alone?
  • Maybe I should not spend so much time with others?
  • Have I gone to church?
  • Do I remember the sermon?
  • Am I reading my Bible?
  • What am I doing for pain?
  • Am I self-injuring?
  • Do I want to drink?
  • Am I hiding from people?
  • Am I watching too much tv?
  • Have I been paying my bills?
  • Am I trying to keep something a secret?
  • Am I wearing the same clothes every day?
  • Am I showering regularly?
  • Do I have clean clothes?
  • Are the cat boxes clean? 
  • Is my house organized?
  • Is my house clean?
  • Am I keeping up with the lawn?
  • Am I shoveling the snow or freezing rain?
  • Do I have enough things to keep me busy?
  • What was the question?
I'm fine.

Those are most of the questions that scan through my brain in a matter of 10 seconds.  I hate that question.  You know why?  Because it's not specific.  It's like asking is the ocean blue.  Yes, in some spots, but it still depends on your definition of blue.  Light blue, dark blue, blue green, green blue.  All answer the same question.  Here's what I want to know:  What do you want to know?

Be specific.  Unless you give a rat's butt, don't bother asking the question because I could say something like,"Oh, I'm okay, if you think recovering from life is a joyous place to be in for 44 years."  Or, "I'm fine.  It's just my face that's having feelings."  Or how about, "I dunno.  Look at me and tell me what YOU think."  

How am I.
I can tell you how I'm NOT:
I'm not satisfied in this life.
I don't like pain.
I put up with recovery otherwise....
I write and type with a sore hand because talking isn't my preference.
I'm not feeling much and if I do, I get rid of it.
Today I'm not happy or cheerful or giggly or smiling.
Those are what I'm not.

But these things, this whole page, isn't me, either.
It can't be.
Otherwise I would be only what I experience and I know more than that.
I know God gave me a purpose to fulfill.


Maybe you should ask Him how I am doing.