About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Pride and Insecurity


I'm listening (again) to Beth Moore's, "So Long Insecurity (You've Been A Bad Friend To Us)."

The part of the book that is capturing my heart is pride.  Did you know there are so many factors and life experiences that feed pride?  It's no wonder it roars like a lion in so many cases or crushes us like a bug in others.  My own story about pride is a sad one but Jesus is turning my mourning into dancing by bringing forth weapons of massive healing, not destruction.

Let me tell you that pride can destroy relationships in one fell swoop and take the joy out of fellowship.  Pride can often not be "taken back" once it slips out of your mouth nor can it be explained without seeing a therapist.  Pride has an unnatural way of cornering us and making us feel unable to move or resolve issues in healthy ways. This is my opinion, not Beth's.  I don't often quote people but I do recommend her book.

Pride and insecurity seem to go hand in hand for me.  Where pride is selfish and destructive to myself and others, insecurity is based on my interpretation of another's behavior.  When I feel hurt by someone else, I immediately look for a "blanket" to cover me up.  Sometimes it's food, self-injury in my mouth, distancing myself or isolating.  Sometimes the last two are good so that I can wrap my head around what happened and respond appropriately rather than emotionally.

I have no issue with people who are honest, apologize or in other ways take responsibility for what they've done.  Even if they take too much responsibility (which I will address) or if they feel they are not a good enough friend and this is too hard (which I will address), my own insecurity is triggered.  I have to take a time out to:
  1. Identify the trigger
  2. Was it intentional?
  3. How am I feeling?
  4. Is this friendship worth the work? (Determines how to proceed)
  5. Talk to my therapist
  6. Ask God to Reveal Options of Reconciliation
  7. Talk to the person by voice (Typing can be misunderstood)
  8. Listen, Listen, Listen
  9. Ask Questions
  10. Pray (Christians)
Let me close with my favorite poem, "Desiderata," which says:


May God bless you on your journey toward relational wholeness,
Amy