About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Monday, May 06, 2013

Heart Aches

Dear God,

My heart aches, my spirit is saddened, my mind is numb.  The condition of my countenance remains the same.  I have many feelings running through me.  I wish they would slow down.

I can't seem to stop self-injuring.  I've thought of cutting myself just to get me back on track.  This form of coping is not helpful.  Neither of them are helpful.

What is helpful?  Writing, praying, sleeping, going for a walk, petting my kitties and watching a DVD.  Sometimes music, sometimes driving, sometimes cleaning or organizing. 

My story is very hard to write.  It seems I write a page then take 2-3 days to recover until I can write the next one.  At that rate I won't be done for a couple of years.  I wonder if there's a way to simplify it?  

Lord, I surrender to you with complete abandon.  Please help me.  I want to do your will in your time.  I also don't want to hurt anymore - physically.  Please bring serenity to my troubled spirit.

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen