About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Another One Bites The Dust

Dear God,

I'm sucking my cheeks in and biting down on the outsides of my tongue.  I'm letting go of someone who used to be a friend.  I feel sad and angry.

She stopped responding to my emails.  She's never addressed my requests for a phone chat like she used to.  Did I do something?  I can only speculate.

The shame side of me is embarrassed of my mental illness.  I want to curl inside, into a shell and sleep.  My face is downcast.  I loved my friend.  

I know she's been trying to move on from her previous residency.  She and her husband are discovering new joy in their new location.  Maybe her time in my life and my time in her life is finished.  If so, I thank you for the time you gave us.

I have to let her go.  I can't live in limbo and wonder why she doesn't respond.  It's not fair to me.  I have to take care of myself the best way I know how.  Saying good-bye indirectly is how it is right now.

I want to scream at her, "What's wrong with me?"

Your faithful daughter,
Amy Kathleen