My Parents Divorce

When I was in Alateen, divorced parents were a common thread for some of us.  There were also parents where one or both stopped drinking and were working an Alcoholics Anonymous program. Still, there were some of us who had one or both parents living at home who were actively drinking and there was no hope of relief.

The moment my mom made the announcement that she was going to divorce my dad is seared in my mind.  She asked my sisters and I into the kitchen.  We sat around the table.  Her words were short without anger or fear.  She simply said, "I met with an attorney.  I'm divorcing your dad."

I'm not sure how my sisters were feeling because this was a decision I'd been pleading with my mom to make.  "C'mon, mom, get rid of dad, we'll be okay."  Coming out of the mouth of a twelve to fourteen year old probably wasn't reassuring but at that time I felt desperate to get him out of the house and more importantly, out of my life.

From my perspective, the abuse was already more than I could handle.  I'd already attempted suicide and runaway from home for two weeks (my parents knew where I was) by age thirteen.  I was still wetting the bed, pulling the hair out of my head, eating food to kill the painful feelings, not knowing how to hide and protect myself from the sexual abuse I'd survived from multiple perpetrators and the violence and intimidation he used to control me was taking a heavy toll.  I didn't think I could take much more.

I thought I would be elated and filled with joy with this announcement.  I must admit, I was relieved.  But then, as the days passed, I found myself feeling mixed emotions.  My dad began acting differently.  He was quieter.  He didn't talk much.  He wasn't home much.  There was a staggering decrease in fighting and there wasn't anymore abuse.  He looked defeated.  I'd never seen him look so broken.

On the day he moved out, he asked me to help him.  Yeah, I know, I thought it was weird, too.  Even though all that crap happened in my life because of him, the healing tools from Alateen that I was applying in my life gave me the grace to help my dad.  No other love but God's love could have helped my dad.

So, he was gone.  He didn't move far.  It was in the same village we lived in.

What does a child do when she is used to the yelling and screaming and then all of a sudden the house is peaceful and quiet?

She moves in with the alcoholic parent.