I continued attending Alateen meetings. I liked the other kids at the meeting. We shared a bond because of our abuse experiences. Some were getting hit like I was. Some were being thrown through patio doors. There was always someone who had it worse.
During this angry period I was going through, I guess I was becoming too rage filled. My mom talked to me and gave me an ultimatum. She said either I go see a counselor or I move out of the house. Being fifteen years old and having a logical mind, I knew moving out wasn't the way to go.
I ended up seeing this counselor who went to Al-Anon and was a Reverend. She didn't have much to work with because I'd show up with my long hair covering my face, leather coat, t-shirt and raggedy jeans. I never talked. She did all the talking.
Eventually I took the driver's ed class and passed. My mom shared her car with me. I found a new sense of freedom. I also found a new way to hide.
I wasn't the best at picking my mom up from work on time. I put other people before her. But then again, I didn't care.
I kept seeing this counselor until I was 20. I eventually talked to her. Unfortunately she mislabeled me. She didn't recognize sexual abuse or PTSD symptoms. I'd come into a saving relationship with Jesus. I decided to leave because some of what she said contradicted what the bible taught. When I asked her about it she said the bible was written a long time ago and basically the things in the old testament were no longer applicable. That made sense at first until God convicted the truth in me.
The journey of therapy groups and therapists went on for the next 30 years.
Alcoholism, abuse, divorce and other stuff took time to surface and work through. It's not an easy road. It's a road that was created by others that only God and I can heal.
And some days.....it's a long long journey.
