This is my only tattoo. I designed it myself. It's in memory of my nephew Aaron who died from huffing.
I'm not the type of self-injuring person who covers herself in tattoos. Mostly because as I understand the Bible, I'm not supposed to do it. Second, I think I'd become addicted to the pain it causes and I'd keep going back for more.
My body has scars that remind me of where I've been in earlier years. On my left arm I can see the skin with lines on it where I carved the word DEAD with several lines for a box around it. I remember telling myself, "If God wants to heal it and take it away, He can do it." Every time I look there, I see it.
Another scar is on the inside of my right arm. I should have gone to the hospital for stitches but I knew they'd hospitalize me. I taped my skin very tightly and it healed closed. I remember that cut also. Lots of anger and rage.
Other scars are spread around. Since I haven't cut since October 13, 2012 that doesn't mean the urge to cut hasn't popped up here and there. When it does I don't wallow in those thoughts. I don't imagine what I'd do or how I'd do it. That's just feeding the monster.
Instead, I busy my mind by writing, coloring, reading or anything else I can think of. Dwelling on harmful behaviors lead to harmful behaviors. I'm not perfect but I can at least try to get away from those thoughts and look at feelings instead.
Tattoos, for me, are not a substitute for identifying feelings or expressing emotions. It is simply a way to memorialize my nephew and feel like he's with me all the time.
I had enough marks on my body as a child that caused a great deal of pain.
I don't want anymore especially by choice.
