About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Monday, December 08, 2014

Vacation On My Mind

There's only one place that has captured my solitude and filled me full to overflowing.  It's the state of Arizona.  My first sister used to be a travel agent.  She took me there for my 21st birthday.  In 1995 I visited once or twice a year until the mental illness began to show up.

I stayed at the same Embassy Suites hotel in Scottsdale every time I visited.  It was so relaxing with a large pool, whirlpool, free breakfast prepared just for you, two rooms and room service.  I pampered myself every visit so that I could slow down my RPM's.  I'd sleep for two days.  Then I'd get into the rental car and begin the adventure God had waiting for me.

I ventured east to Petrified National Forest which is filled with petrified trees, stumps and other things.  I ventured southeast to Payson which is a sleepy little town with rivers, camping, fishing and forest roads.  My favorite road is FR300.  God and I had quite an adventure that included a herd of elk, almost running out of gas on the pitch black road and sitting on a cliff listening to the stirring of the trees from Tonto National Forest below.  I climbed some steep rocks to reach Tonto Natural Bridge.  That was challenging.

Grand Canyon was unbelievable.  On the way there at night, I pulled over and gazed up at the sky.  It was the most stars I had ever seen.  I watched the sunset, saw more elk, woke up early for the sunrise and took pictures that remind me of how I was feeling at those moments.  To describe how I felt I'd say calmly peaceful, inquisitive, soaking in the warmth of the sun and closing my eyes to receive all of it.  It's the closest I've ever felt to God.

I miss those times.  The only way I can take that vacation is in my mind.  Sometimes I travel back and remember how fortunate I was that God blessed me with good health and enough resources to go there.  I pray someday soon I can go back for 10 days and renew my spirit which has been yearning for the red rock mountains, cactus, blue skies, forest road 300, driving to my favorite spots and doing some swimming and resting in a whirlpool.

Until then, I try to enjoy the surroundings God has me in right now.

But if I was to be given that blessing?

What a day that would be.