I've been having dreams of my safe people.
In the first dream I am sleeping at her house and I must have woken her up when I had a bad dream. She sat on the end of my bed, put her arms around my shoulders and tenderly kissed my cheek. She kept holding me as my fear continued. She reminded me that she was here with me and I was safe.
When I woke up I felt self-conscious even though it was a dream.
The next dream I had I fell asleep in another friend's house and slept walked into her bedroom where I curled up on the floor and fell asleep near her feet. She found me sleeping there and let me stay there. No words were said, no physical touch. Just safety in knowing she was there. When I woke up in the dream and realized where I was I went back downstairs to the couch and fell back to sleep.
That's when something strange but wonderful happened. There was a gathering of young adults from my childhood twelve step groups and some adults and some children I have loved who were now young adults and older gathering to thank me for the difference I made in their lives. I had no idea there had been so many. I had no idea some of those lost relationships still hurt.
Beginnings and endings.
Every person has a name that mattered to me.
I guess in my need to be loved and in my need to make sure they know how very much I loved them, there's a longing to see them all again.
