Why are these two quotes on the same page? Because that's how I feel. I feel hurt and I know the Lord knows what I need. I know He will give it to me if I ask. I've been asking but He is silent.
The second is the reality of trauma whether you hear about it, experience it on your body or you see it happen and can't stop it. For our soldiers, causing trauma for someone else is their job but then our soldiers come home needing emotional and trauma healing.
"Painful memories don't need a trigger - they just are."
The Lord does His healing in His time. He helps us whether or not we know we need it. His wisdom is far above anything we could ever conceive.
I don't have all the answers. Not to all the things and behaviors that happen or have happened. I don't have any peace about what I don't understand. I can make a choice to protect myself from further harm.
I can choose to stay disengaged from painful truths, some of which I caused. I can choose to fight the demons in my head over and over again until I am mentally exhausted and drained. I can choose to get help for traumatic situations and learn new coping skills.
I'm numb today.
I'm drinking a lot (Coke, Tea/Lemon)
I've eaten once but not much.
I took my meds.
I worked on the bushes outside.
I'm staining furniture I hope to sell, but it probably won't.
I told my new church to stop trying to help me because they couldn't figure out how to do it. I'll take care of it myself.
But my car still needs to be fixed.
I wish I was more physically broken than I am.
Then I'd have this outpouring of help.
I look at the GoFundMe campaigns and wonder, "What's wrong with me?"
Then I start to feel sorry for myself.
Having a genius I.Q. with mental illness keeps me smart most of the time without others seeing the dying of my spirit inside. It's not fair.
John 16:33 says, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Come, Lord Jesus, your sister needs you.
