I was trying to paint the sunset at a forest preserve that I've grown very fond of. It's where I go to meet with God, walk with a friend, cast a fishing line or sit on a picnic table on a sunny fall day listening to the wind and watching the boats going by.
What came out was a bright sky, a circle for the river and walkway and a tree. But not just any tree.
The trees at the forest preserve which is what my painting represents (my safe place) are hundreds of years old. Their trunks are so thick it would take multiple people to wrap your arms around them. They have branches that reach out on each side for several feet and then they reach up toward the sky, so high, you have to shield your eyes from the sun. They are magnificent creations that only the God who formed our earth and formed us could have created and preserved.
My tree has a thick trunk, too. The branches have a wispy feel to them - not rugged or stiff. As I was putting branches onto the main limbs, I dropped my paint brush. I was disappointed because the smudge messed up my picture but then I took a closer look:
A little girl praying to her God. A little boy who never grew up. And an angel taking that little boy's hand as he flies to his next adventure. But the little girl - she looks alone but she isn't. When I turned the painting around in a circle, I saw many images of other people in those branches. She wasn't alone after all.
When I shared this at group, the therapist asked me, "Amy, what is missing from your tree?" I starred at it for awhile and said, "Roots." I had no roots holding me up. In the past I had deep roots but lately my roots have been brought up in controversy, negated and not approved of. I realized I was letting others who knew nothing about me steal my roots, one by one. I had better get them back quickly before I topple over and can't get up.
My roots are Jesus Christ and going to church, my family, my closest friends, my lovely therapist, my smiling psychiatrist, my thorough primary doctor, my AA meetings, taking time out for myself and trying to eat well.
Do you have roots?
Maybe this exercise would be good for you to do as a reminder of your strength and steadiness each time you lean on them.
That's one of my new plans.
