Me, Faith and Jesus

Today my therapist took me on a visualization adventure.
She led me to safe and beautiful places.  
I remained in control as I opened myself up to a new experience.

Get in a comfortable seated position.
Deep breathing...Deep breathing...Relax
Begin

She asked me to pick a food that would nourish my body - Orange
"My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit."
"God dwells in my body."
Find a second food that will make the nourishment complete - Peanut Butter

Take myself to a safe place.
"My nook at the marina."
See the surroundings, Hear the sounds, Smell the smells, Feel the touches.

"Water, boulders, trees, prairie grass, turtles, fish jumping, blue herons, chipmunks."
"Water lapping, fish jumping, boat motors, grasses blowing, wind, people."
"River water, fish, pond, some prairie flowers, air."
"Picnic table wood, stone walking path, boulders, trees, prairie grasses."

Shift

Jesus
A ball of light in His hands
His hands are cupped around the light stretching toward me.
Will I accept His gift of light?  Yes
I cup my hands so the ball rolls easily from His hands into mine
But wait - the light wants to surge throughout my body.
I'm not ready for that yet so I stop it while still holding onto the ball.

I do not reject the gift of the light of Christ.
I am not yet ready to be illuminated for all to see.
This is connected to being thin.

Coming out of the visualization back into the session
Consciously aware of Faith in the room,
Me in the room and Jesus in the room (I smile).

Awake

New Life

"Those of us 

with tattered childhoods

are the flowers

that push themselves

through the crack

in the pavement

to begin a new life."      Amy

Bad Cold

I have the bad cold that's going around.
I've been unable to write.
I will return to writing just as fast as I can.

In the meantime, check out the blogs I follow on the right hand side of this page.
Scroll down and you'll see them.

Be back soon (hopefully).

Amy

God Rebuilding Us

Have you ever asked God, "Where do You want me?  Please show me and I will go."

I know many people, myself included, who have earnestly prayed that prayer.  With intense emotion and a little bit of fear, those words have been uttered with the hope that it won't cost too much.  Too much money, too much commitment or too much change.

Why pray that prayer at all if the intent is to side step it?  Because my  heart longs to believe that someday I'll do it.  Without doubt, without fear of failure, without fear of what others will think of me.

All my life I've known God wants to do something with my life.  I've started and stopped many opportunities that presented themselves over the years.  None of them lasted.  At least, none of them that came with a regular salary.

It takes courage to ask God, "Where do You want me?"  Asking a question often means listening for a response.  Listening for a response means you might like it - or you might not.

Here's something I've been thinking about.  You know the saying, "If God closes the door, He'll open a window?"

What if He never wanted you to go into that house in the first place and we took matters into our own hands?

Did we pick the lock or shoot off the door knob or ram the door with a tree trunk?  I mean, how much of our self will is really running the show?

I'm just saying, maybe we should ask God if we're at the right house before we begin to think we know what He's doing in our lives.

Here's an example:

You think God wants you to be "here" because you see yourself as always being sick no matter where you go and no matter how much time passes:

But God really wants you to be here because He sees you working hard and getting better over the long haul.  It doesn't matter how long it takes:

God knows it's hard.  He knows your dreams.  He knows exactly what you need to get over your hang-ups.  Don't you think He loves you enough to send you to the right house?  

A house where you don't have to wonder, "Is it this door or that door?  A window or a patio door?"  God doesn't do question marks when building us up.

God is a God of reconstruction.  So put on your tool belt, put on your hard hat and meet with your construction team.  It's time to get rebuilding. 

New Year's Day

Yeah, I think we've all felt that way from time to time.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit some of my resolutions are repeat offenders.  Yup, they've been known to show up on my list more than once and sometimes two or more years in a row.  

What does that say about me?  What does that say about the resolution?

It says:

• I know I have a problem area in my life 
• I want it dealt with right now
• I need new methods of getting rid of it because what I've used so far hasn't worked

How is that problem area helping me?  What does that say about the resolution?

It says:

• It's giving me some sort of comfort for pain or sadness or hurt
• Even though the remedy is temporary it's causing permanent damage
• I'm going to need therapeutic and psychiatric help to put these monsters to rest

Sometimes the first step in resolving a bothersome area is to be honest about how it's benefiting you.  If it didn't benefit you, you wouldn't do it.

When I was drinking, it numbed my feelings and put me to sleep.  When I stopped drinking, I had to learn how to feel my emotions and stay present.  It's been very hard and I still struggle.  I've compensated with food and self-injury.

Now it's time to get to the root of all this unhappiness.  

Some people would say I should stop looking at the past and get moving forward.  I don't listen to anyone who hasn't walked in my shoes.  And as far as I know, there's been one occupant.

My responsibility is to God and to the calling He's placed on my life.  It's to do what He puts in front of me to do.  As long as I am walking in His will, no one else matters.