Weird Symptoms

I've been having symptoms that are a little weird.

Throughout all the medications I've been taking, I've never had the top of my head go numb.  I've also never had the numbness travel down to the bottom of my ears.  I've never had both of my hands go numb.  This was last week.

Because these symptoms are new, I took myself to the emergency room.  I was given at CT scan.  The results were clear - no swelling, no stroke, no tumor.  If it happened again I was supposed to return to the ER.

Monday is when my hands went numb for most of the day.  The numbness did not move up my arms.  It simply stayed in my hands.  The people I told automatically said carpal tunnel but I've never had any symptoms of carpal tunnel so it would be weird for it to come out of the blue and be in both hands on the same day.  It eventually went away on it's own.

Tuesday, as I was going for a long walk, the top of my head went numb again.  I didn't freak out.  I told myself there was nothing wrong with me.  The CT scan was clear.  I could go have an MRI but because of my medical history, my doctor and the ER docs were cautious about exposing me to more radiation.

I spent some time taking inventory of my life.  I talked with God about all areas to see if there's something I'm missing that's adding an element of stress I've missed.  Everything was good to go.  I can't figure it out.  Even as I type this the upper right hand side of my head is getting a little numb.

Unfortunately, Faith was out sick today so I couldn't talk to her.  I thought she could help me brainstorm some possibilities as to why this is happening.

Maybe I should just go to the ER.

Healthy Helping

I was scrubbing part of my kitchen floor.  From time to time I'll imagine myself in front of a Women of Faith conference audience.  I'm on stage getting ready to preach a message.

The person preaching inside of me is filled with enthusiasm for what I'm about to say.  I know God has placed this topic deep inside my heart.  Only He can fill me with the kind of energy I'll need to talk in front of such a large audience.  I am an introvert, after all, so this would be a bad time for an all out freak out.

"I want to talk to you about a topic we don't talk about often enough.  It's not because we're afraid to or because we don't know how to.  It's because it's uncomfortable which is where I like to go.

I'm talking about you having a friend who calls you.  She calls you to tell you her husband is hitting her, again, and he's hurting the kids, again.  He promises not to do it anymore, again.  He's crying and apologizing, again.

What should she do?"

You're getting tired of hearing the same story, the same excuses.
Your compassion is running on a candle and the wick is about to go out.

What do you say?

Most of us, myself included, want to help people in distress.  The problem with us helping them is that often times, they need a lot more than we are capable or qualified to give them.

Some of them need emergency shelter access.  Some need police protection.  Some need long-term therapy. Some need a combination of services.

We have to admit, to ourselves and as their friend, that we don't have the answer for them.  We can help them find the right help and help get them connected to the right agency but beyond that, we need to leave it with God and the professionals.

What do you say?

I love you.
I'm praying for you.
I'm here to support you.
I can't do the work for you.
What can I do to help you?

And then....we let go and let God be God.

Praise You In This Storm

I think I used this song recently.  I love it so much.  It's my promise to God that I will do my best to stay with Him no matter how hard the storms are that pass through His hands.  That I will praise Him no matter how challenging the healing process will be.

We had a torrential downpour yesterday.  It was the first of the spring season.  It was so loud and the rain was heavy and blinding.  I was safe in my home.

Two of my female cats were outside minutes before it started.  I was calling for them but they weren't coming.  I walked onto my patio and called for them again.  I looked under my bushes and found one of them chilling out.  She was tucked in pretty good so I knew she'd have to come out on her own.  The other one came flying out of nowhere as if to say, "Hey, Mom!  What's up?  Can you scratch my belly?"  I picked her up then the other one followed us in.

It was less than a few minutes when the downpour hit.  Being in a metal mobile home amplifies rain, hail, wind and flying debris.  Thankfully my girls were safe inside and all we had was rain.

The storm reminded me of how powerless I am in some of life's events.  Like the weather, some things happen with little to no notice.  That means I need to prepare (best I can) ahead of time so that the stress won't be too high.

For example, I bought enough pet carriers so I can get them out of the house safely.  I have candles that burn a long time in case of a power outage.  I have gallons of water, flashlights and a battery powered radio so I can hear what's going on.  Simple things like that decrease my stress and help me feel prepared for something that's probably never going to happen -- but might.

I believe God wants me to praise Him in the storm.
I believe God wants me to plan for the storm.
I believe God wants me to be prepared for the storm.
I believe God wants me to pray throughout the storm.

God wants us to be smart.
To listen to His Holy Spirit guiding us.
And yes, to be praising Him for all He's going to do for us in the storm.

Happy Mother's Day

A Mother's Day wish for you:

Whether you birthed them, adopted them, foster them or babysit them,
Whether you change diapers, teach words, change behaviors or school them,
Whether you have one or two or three or multiples of them,
This Mother's Day wish is for you.

I wish you big hugs when celebrations abound.
I wish you great joy when what's lost is finally found.
I wish you abundant prayer until their feet find solid ground
.
I wish you God's peace in the midst of the storms.
I wish you God's patience when filling out those forms.
I wish them God's safety while living in their dorms.

In all of this I wish for you,
In all of this I pray comes true,
For you're a Mom who gives her all,
Not just on one day but on them all.

Happy Mother's Day!!

One Day At A Time

When I was first in recovery at the young age of fourteen, one of the first slogans I learned was "One day at a time."  I didn't understand how to live my life one day at a time even though I understood what the words meant.

That's because my days were packed way beyond one day.  They carried with them the previous days and weeks and years which blended into the future days and weeks and years.  The present day was seldom accounted for.  I was lost in so much of what I could not control that living one day at a time seemed like a cruel joke meant to be unattainable or just out of reach.

My Alateen sponsors were committed to teaching us what one day at a time looked like.  Then they broadened it to show us how to live one hour at a time, one minute at a time and sometimes, one decision at a time.  Before I knew it, I was slowing down my anxious reactive thoughts and applying what they were teaching.  I was becoming someone who was better able to calm down and not have such a negative outlook.

I wonder where she went?  I was in my teen years, graduated from High School before I graduated to Al-Anon.  Then three years later I found myself in my home church making a decision to give my heart and my life to Jesus.  Things should have gotten easier, right?  Ha!  Not exactly.

The first Bible I bought was The Living Bible because it was the same as my Mom's.  One day when I was reading in Matthew, I found this verse:

Matt 6:34 “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.

When I saw, "Live one day at a time," I knew God was the author of recovery groups.  I knew I was going to be okay no matter what memories I had from my childhood, no matter how hard my recovery was going to be and no matter what others thought about me.  

I knew if I was really going to heal I'd have to let those very painful memories surface.  I knew if they surfaced I'd be hospitalized.  I knew if I didn't let them out, I'd commit suicide.

The phrase one day at a time saved my life.  

It continues to save my life.

I know if I hang onto the truths God has given me in His Word, through the Holy Spirit's guidance and through His people I'll be okay.

I just have to hold on one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then one day at a time.

And everything will be alright.