Dear God,
For the last couple of months I have been self-injuring inside of my mouth. I have not drawn blood but I have drawn comfort, soothing and safety. Why do I turn to self-injury as a coping tool? Was it because I pulled my hair out as a child often causing noticeable hair loss on the left side? I don't know.
At 45 years of age I'd like to think I no longer need to hurt myself. I was hurt as a child and an adolescent. The hurt came from people I trusted. But now I don't have anyone who hurts me. I left the relationships that caused hurt either physically, emotionally or mentally. You are my only source of spiritual relationship and you have never hurt me. My spiritual walk is secure.
Jesus was betrayed and hurt. Did he have the wisdom ahead of time to not get close to those who could hurt him? I'm thinking of Judas. I wish I didn't grow up so broken. It takes so long to heal all the cracks in my foundation.
Thank you for giving me the courage to make the right choice today. I chose to reschedule a doctor's appointment and take the appointment when Faith had a cancellation. She sure did like to interrupt. :) The golden nugget I received today is this: Instead of trying to write your book perfect, let myself write as best I can "all things considered." That means to make sure I'm taking care of myself, my whole self, and let the writing take on it's own development. Be steadfast but don't get tangled up in the details.
I love you more than anything or anyone. Lord, please make me an instrument of your peace, and for those who are still suffering, let me bring a solar light of brightness as you position them for more healing.
All my love and all my life,
Amy Kathleen
