It's not that she does anything wrong. She's generous to a fault. In fact, I had to tell her that when I borrow money I need to pay it back for my own self-esteem. When things were really tight and an emergency bill would come up, she would pay it and give me ample time to pay it back. I've paid back every dollar every time.
The problem is me. I don't have the financial freedom she does. I live tight because that's how it is. I can't get what I want every time I go to a food store. I can't keep going to stores, even if they're thrift stores. I can't pay for the gas to go to all these places. I can't buy new dvds every week when new ones are being released. I can't eat out all the time.
Lately, I keep focusing on what I don't have. I know that waving my fist at God but for some reason I'm not content with what I've been given. It's as if I'm feeling sorry for myself.
Gratefully, I have a regular check being deposited every month.
Bottom line: I wish life weren't so hard. I wish my disability check stretched to cover more expenses. I wish I didn't feel cheated; like somehow I'd been robbed of something I deserved.
My friend means more to me than money. There are days I'd be lost without her. We laugh a lot, go to movies (something I was able to add to my budget) and yes, we go shopping. I'd miss her if she weren't here.
Yes, I'd miss her.
