About This Blog

My blog shares my recovery journey from childhood abuse to living with mental illness. I've been involved in twelve step groups and therapy since 1982. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in 1988. To the best of my ability, I have followed where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Maybe you'll find the hope and strength you need through what I write. Maybe you want to stop hurting yourself. Maybe you have a friend who needs help and can benefit from my story. I was newly disabled when I asked God this question: "What do you want me to do with my life?" I closed my eyes and paused for a few moments to still my mind. This is what I sensed from Him: "Amy, I want you to write your story to bring hope and healing to those who are still suffering." And that's exactly what I am doing!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Robin Williams - What Depression Says

I sat down like many other writers and found some words to describe the loss of Robin Williams, one of my favorite actors.  Not only was he incredibly funny but he also captured the hearts of many of us by the roles he played on television and film.

"Mork and Mindy," was one of my favorite television shows growing up.  "Good Morning, Vietnam," is a great example of his ability to create his own lines on his feet.  "Good Will Hunting," is a different role for him, playing a therapist who has a ghost in his own closet.  "Mrs. Doubtfire," is no doubt the funniest role I've seen him in.    


But my favorite film, "Dead Poets Society," stands above all the rest.  I'm not going to spoil it.  If you haven't seen it, please do.  It's inspiring, thought provoking, sad and redeeming.


I was writing my Twitter message today.  I found myself writing a message much longer than the number of characters Twitter allows.  Instead of stopping, I allowed the writing to freely flow.  


This is result:


"The reality of the extent of the emotional pain caused by depression is felt by the person suffering from it, the family living with it and the friends effected by it. Some sufferers find the help when they need it.  Some family members get support when they need it.  Some friends pull together when they need it.  

In real life, some lives are saved and in real life, some lives learn how to live with depression. Some lives respond well to medications and are able to be productive.  Some move on to great success or advocacy for a cause they most believe in.  They have found purpose and meaning to continue living. 


The darkness rarely visits anymore.  They're no longer curled up into a ball on the couch or in their bed, holding their pillow so tightly and sobbing crocodile tears of hopelessness.  They no longer go for weeks or months without showering, not changing their clothes and not combing their hair.  They no longer hide in the darkness of their home. 


They no longer skip meals or overeat to punish the shame of depression that tells them, "People don't really like you.  They're just trying to be nice.  You are no one.  You are nothing.  No one cares about you.  Just kill yourself so you're not such a burden."  


And those thoughts.  Those thoughts that have a voice.  The voice that speaks with authority in their head.  That haunting voice that says they're not worth it.  No one will notice if they are gone. They were never supposed to be here anyway.


Depression.  The silent killer."